Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

Jeff Foxworthy's, Are you smarter than a 5th grader, has recently become my favorite show and something that I legitimately look forward to every day. Because my schedule does not allow me to catch every episode, on Fox at 5pm, I have recently made the huge investment in buying the board game.

Now I will be the first to admit that my K-5 years did not include a whole lot of productivity and I spent more time in the bathroom or in the principle's office then a did in class. Even still, now just 3 months away from graduating college, I felt like this game would be not only fun but would also provide me with a bit of confidence. So far, though I enjoy playing the game, I have gained more knowledge then confidence and realize now how important those k-5 years are for learning and retaining information.

Today I missed the following questions...see if you know them!

1st grade reading: What did georgie porgie do to make the girls cry?

3rd grade english: Which one of the following critters was NOT featured in the Wind in the Willows?

a. mole

b. toad

c. buzzard

My name is Angela Kinney and I am NOT smarter than a 5th grader...as of now!

I am trying to get a hold of Adam Sandler to see if he could hook me up with his people and repeat 1st-12th grade, two weeks for each grade, then I will be prepared to go mono y mono with the annoying smart 5th graders that always turned and said to me "shhh, I am trying to listen." or "stop flingning rubber bands, it is distracting.

good night. good weekend.

ak

AK's state of the union speech

Hello supporters, a whooping 5 now, and 4 are family....great improvement from last time I checked the polls but still have a ways to go. I have goals people.

My agenda tonight consist of addressing health care, gas prices, Duke basketball, why saltines and peanut butter are the best snack ever, and my top ten pet-peeves.

I understand there has been a lot of discussion on health care and I am aware that our existing way of doing things suck. The United States of America has made it impossible for anyone to afford adequate care. Without health insurance companies, Americans could not afford health care. Repeat that last sentence, without health insurance companies, Americans could not afford health care. We have set up a country where health insurance companies own even the government. I tell you all this so you stop blaming me for trying to initiate a bogus health care plan. So here it is people...the absolute solution to the health care crisis and I have total faith that this solution will be promptly instated by the year 2099. This is exciting stuff Americans.

First and foremost, I want to say that my plan will only affect those that currently are dependent in nursing home care or in long term hospitals. So if you have the mental capacity to listen in on this discussion, my plan will not affect you, only save you money. I also want to defend myself here and say that really my only goal in life is to offer myself and create a world where the potential for happiness actually exist.

With this new plan, no invasive and expensive test, surgeries, and care will be offered to individuals that have no capacity to live without synthetic support. How selfish can we get people? We are, everyday, doing things to these people that are inhumane and unnatural. I want people to love life and to be cognitive that life is going on and I am saddened with what we do to people to keep them alive simply to say we kept them a live. News flash doc, you didn't save a life, your not a hero, don't go home and tell your wife and your kids that you saved someones life because you put a tube down a 94 y/o person with more problems then letters in the alphabet. Let the guy/gal go and then brag about how you witnessed him into eternal life.

Another question...why are we trying to set records on living long? Just so when you die, you can brag about how long you lived? What is so wrong with calling it quits at 70 if your life, to that point was great?

If we just change this one piece of practice, it is estimated that America will be able to save trillions and, along with making sure that I score front row tickets to the 2/10/10 Duke/UNC mens basketball game, I will put that money into ethanol and no American will pay more then $1.50/gal. of gas.

Peanut butter and saltines offer a salty, semi-sweet, protein-packed snack that is delicious, cost-effecient and quick and easy to store. Therefore, because I am the boss, it will be required that all children in government run schools will have no option other then saltines and peanut butter, unless however the child has a life-threatening peanut allergy and then the peanut butter will be replaced with pepper jack cheese slices. Because I am a nice person and like to compromise, I will offer chunky or creamy. Expect this to be implemented as of now.

Because I am the boss and make critical decisions like pulling people out of misery and implementing an saltine-peanut butter diet to our children, it will be to your greatest interest to pay careful attention to my top ten pet-peeves.

10) People, with no health problems, who take the elevator up 2 or less floors or down 5 or less floors.

9) People who cut corners expecting someone else to step in.

8) People who call in sick or take a day off after only having a job for 6 months or less.

7) People who refuse to take care of themselves and their basic needs

6) People that have so little respect for themselves and for others that they will insult you right to your face...its just so weird that people can do that!

5) 1) When someone ask someone for a piece of their candy and they dig through the package and give them a color that they don't like.

4) boys that wear pink

3) people that have parties exclusively to watch reality TV shows about high school rich girls

2) when someone puts an empty box or empty container back in the fridge or pantry.

1) drive-thrus!

Good luck people. And God bless you for sticking it out.

ak

Virgin Blogger

Hello followers, or lack there of...

I hardly ever admit when it is my first time doing something but because I am sure that it will be painfully obvious that I am a first timer, I admit it now and with great humility.

Some housekeeping rules first.

1) This blog is aimed at offering an entertainment value only and all topics and discussions are subject to high levels of sarcasm, exaggerated stories and slightly skewed scenarios.

2) I am in need of a fantastic hobby and after great thought, reflection, and following the strict chinese meditation practices, I had no true leads. Finally my cousin, Bridget Braedenkamp, suggested I start a blog.

3) Because this is for entertainment only, do not judge me for my poor spelling, pathetic grammar, and inappropriate sentence structure.

4) I will blog when I want to. May not be every day, may not be every month, and I may be a one-and-done blogger but I want to make a true effort.

4) My name is Angela Kinney and I am a new blogger.

HX

Again, my name is Angela Kinney but that suggest nothing about me. I was named before I was born and unfortunately did not have the capacity to refuse the name. Which brings me to my next point, I did not choose to be born (and none of you did either!) but I am here and I am going to enjoy what I enjoy but will not get hung up on all of the imperfections of life. After all, assuming that I live out the avg. female life expectancy, in 65 years I will be out of here and eventually forgotten. May sound morbid but it is my defense mechanism, of which I made up, to allow myself to live a simple, productive life while absorbing the good things and deflecting the rest.

I have no kids, never been in a lasting relationship, and have not traveled the world so this blog will not consist of cute baby pictures, entries on dating, boyfriend/girlfriend problems or travel advice. Rather this blog is mostly about me and about life and where on the continuum I see myself. I hope to eventually have followers that will throw out topics for me to ramble on!