headlines/story ideas.

Former best friends are in court today after one punched the other in the shoulder and stole her Michael Kors diaper bag. Though pleading insane would probably be most appropriate in this case, BF #1 argues that BF#2 deserved it after she "stole her baby name." The defense's most overwhelming evidence is discovered today and brought into court: The defendants 1995 journal where the sacred's baby name was kept. Defendant also argued that her former best friend's baby, "Matthew," didn't deserve that name because he is not as cute as her virtual baby that she brought into court: A picture of an adorable baby boy that was conceived virtually, using the website "Morph Thing," and using a picture of herself and Luke Perry. Aspiring athletes warned to always aim for second place to avoid steroid allegations. Teen mom's third pregnancy a real eye opener. Sisters schedule C-Section for exact time of each other to avoid cousin rivalry.

One year Anniversary to me--To-day

Hii followers,

Today I write highly inspired and excited to write about my one year anniversary of moving to North Carolina.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. That day, June 9th, 2010, I had no fear. I had confidence, a dream, and a trusted Garmin--the three important ingredients of which I credit my success.

The fear did come though. The weeks of living in North Carolina without a job or even a call back. The days I spent in the library and coffee shops applying for job after job. The countless revisions of my resume and cover letter and with each revision--even small ones gave me confidence that that would be the perfect change--the catalyst for a call back. An interview.

The day my nephew was born 1800 miles away. The irrational fear that I will miss his entire life and still be unemployed. The fear of never getting a call back. That was real fear.

But mind over matter proved sufficient yet again. I didn't talk about my fears, I only stayed focused on my dream. I knew two things, I knew that my dream was real and I knew that I had X amount of dollars to spend before I would have to reevaluate my dream.

Despite no call backs, I was constantly inspired. Probably the height of inspiration in my life to date were the days, weeks, and months that my number was never called. My brain, my mind was clear and the inspiration seemed to come easily and from unpredictable sources. The billboard "Zero to Bachelors in 2.5," The bike rides on Duke Campus, the nacho, hot dog, and lemonade stand on the corner by DUMC, going to church in Downtown Durham to see several people rocking Duke T'shirts, the free summer league games at NC-Central where I saw Kyrie Irving, Plumlees, Ryan Kelly, Singler, Harrison Barnes---all inspired me. I knew my dream was real and it was evidenced by the constant forms of inspiration I experienced during my unemployment.

I knew on a Sunday that I would be called that week for an interview. I could see online that one of my applications was moved from "processed" to "Hiring manager review." I knew that my time was coming. I just knew it.

On a Tuesday I was called. I scheduled my interview for the first possibility. The Friday, 0830 before Forth of July weekend. I thought by taking the first possible choice would be taken well. As initiative. Only to hang up and go immediately to the library to read books on interviewing and job selection. The first chapter of the first book I read was all about scheduling an interview. And it had several tips. It did state that sometimes the job applicant does not have the choice of which interview spot to select but if you do (and I did) then it would be important to consider these tips. 1) Try not to schedule an interview first thing in the morning, during lunch, or late afternoon. (0830) Avoid Monday or Friday interviews (Friday). Avoid scheduling an interview on a holiday weekend (4th of July).

I successfully neglected to follow ANY of the recommendations as my interview was scheduled for 0830 on the Friday before 4th of July. Sigh.

Interview went really well despite my three strikes on scheduling it. I was prepared and excited. And at conclusion of the interview I was asked to schedule a time to shadow the department.

I shadowed. And was told that I would learn of my hire by July 26th. I planned that epic day. I told my family and friends that that was the day I was waiting for my entire life. It was a Tuesday. That day came and you can bet that my phone was in my hand the entire day. I felt ridiculous as I carried that phone around everywhere--sure that if I left it unattended for a minute, I would miss the call and miss my chance.

It rang only once but that is all that it needed too. I heard it ring, felt it vibrate, and before looking at the number, I planned my entire career at Duke, I could see the next 30 years, the promotions the experience, going back to school, getting my doctorate, becoming a professor at Duke, being a chair at Duke, raising a family at Duke, sending all my children to Duke and having a retirement party with all the tops at Duke---and my consolation prize= A 9 minute message from my mom. Disappointing to say the least.

I woke up the next day and I needed a break. I would not apply for any new jobs today. I would not think about the interview or all that went well or went bad. I needed a break.

I packed up my tent and my bike and drove to the beach. My phone rang again. My mom. I answered and could intensely hear my mom's support and concern. She knew that I didn't get the call the day before just because mom's know that stuff and I didn't call bragging about it. She said she didn't want to talk long but that she was just thinking of me and that she loved me and was praying for me...I remember feeling very satisfied with her call and really appreciating it. Though disappointed for sure.

Before she hung up---I got a beep. A 919 beep. They were calling! I told my mom that they were beeping in.

They offered me the job! They offered me the job! I called my mom back.

The rest is history. It has been by no stretch seamless but it's been possible. And I keep working hard. Keep learning. Keep trying new things. Keep looking for inspiration. Keep formulating new goals and new dreams.

People ask me a lot, what the hardest part was and today that question seems very simple. The hardest part was going from expert student and tech to novice nurse. (Patricia Benner is my nurse theorist idol and has a model from novice to expert that is very popular) And while I very much agree in all that she says in that model, I think--at least for me--it has been much harder going from expert to novice.

While I am very happy to have made it this year and have had the opportunities that I have had, I recognize, now, that I am still only 24 years old and don't have it all figured out. I have spent a lot of time on this dream and have some melt downs as far as what my next dream is. For today, my "Livin' the dream" story is just giving myself a shot. Putting myself in position to be successful. To be happy. To always recognize where there is potential and to seek it out. To keep a high threshold for risk.

I will leave Duke when I can get dressed, put my name badge on, and clock in, without smiling, without being inspired, without thinking, "dang, this is pretty cool."

And just like that...time for work now. Rockin' the Duke scrubs.

ak

Girl lies about murder charge to get a date

Onion: Girl lies about murder charge to get a date

We have all heard the phrase, "nice guys finish last." But is this phrase any more true today than when it was first coined in the 1930's by American biologist, Garrett Hardin? One girl risked it all when falsely turning herself in for a murder she never committed. Why'd she do it? We sent reporters to find out...and you will be shocked with what we found out.

AK a 24 year old girl turned herself in for the unsolved murder that occurred in 1975. If you can't figure that out, punch yourself in the throat and get back to your cosmo magazine. We approached AK in her meticulously clean 2 bedroom Durham apartment which she refers to as her sanctuary. The soft spoken confident girl offered us a Capri Sun and answered all of our questions with poise and ease.

Why did you admit to a murder that you absolutely could not have committed? "Oh, you guys are hear to talk about that? I did it for game.

Game? "Yes, you know dating game. See I want to be in a relationship with someone, I want to have friends and after trying for so long I finally figured out what my problem was. I am to nice. People don't want to date nice people, people like the asshole so I made up a story about how I murdered someone."

"I would have never thought about it before I watched an episode of "Prison Wives." A show about convicted murders and their attempts to find love outside of prison by writing letters and communicating via telephone and supervised visits. I watched this and at first was very disturbed and sad. I had just become ok with the idea that women with IQs of less than 120 were finding love and getting married, I wasn't prepared to see that convicted murders were finding love. So I had a choice, be disturbed and sad or use this as an opportunity. I obviously chose the latter or you wouldn't be here right now."

The whole world is wondering, has it worked? "Oh hell yes, I can't even describe to you how this has affected my dating life. It now actually exist. The world is changing in a sad sad direction and since becoming part of that sad sad direction, my dating life has improved 100 fold. "

What do your friends and family say, "At first, they thought I had gone crazy and tried to commit me but after they thought about it for a few minutes they knew that I was only doing what I had to do for myself. They often told me that I needed to be mean more otherwise people would take advantage of me. In fact, all my friends and co-workers have always told me that. I was just not ready yet."

And what made you ready? "hahaha, good question, I have just been dumped to many times. I still expect to be dumped a lot more times but at least now I will never have to hear the lamest excuse ever, "your just to nice for me."

Thank you for your time. And welcome to world of assholes. You might want to rethink your super nintendo poster if you want to bring any of your dates home with you. And then AK kicked us both in the shins and we walked out.

.....it comes every month

Hi and holy absence. I have neglected the blog and take full responsibility for that. However, refer to my first blog when I stated the ground rules, I will blog when I want to blog.

It comes every month---because all of my blog followers be female, I assume that you are all thinking that this blog will be about periods but it is not.

Chores used to be my sole opportunity for income. Doing household chores were the only way to feed my appetite for a bag of Cheetos or 10 blow pops. Doing chores ensured me $5 a week to do with what I please. I didn't like doing them but I did.

Today chores are an everyday part of my life and instead of $5 a week, I have a clean apartment and a clean car. I expired all my energy complaining about chores before I ever left home. Now I just know that they are part of the deal and I find no reason to complain about them. In fact, it is even kind of frustrating for me to hear other people complain about doing the dishes or vacuuming. I guess I would have just thought that, like me, everyone would have complained enough about doing mindless task such as dishes in their youth and that by the time they are adults, they just know that every time you decide to eat, you also decide to do dishes.

Their is one chore that I do absolutely hate and that is laundry and for me it comes once a month. I feel very comfortable about complaining about laundry and also feel very justified in my complaint. I hate laundry for multiple reasons.

I hate laundry because it is the only chore that you can't rush, you can't get all pumped up to do laundry "real fast" and then go somewhere. The washer will go through its full cycle and regardless of your energy level, the washer will only wash at its pace. And the dryer will only dry at its pace.

I hate laundry because it takes the same amount of time to wash one thing as it does for 30 things. Yes, you can cut your drying time down by only drying one shirt but at minimum, you will still invest 30 minutes of your day washing one shirt.

I hate laundry because from the time you press start on the washer and the time the washer horns, you are absolutely helpless to what is being done to your clothes. You can only hope that you checked every pocket for an ink pen, sorted appropriately, and have the washer on the right setting.

I hate laundry because you can't ever "walk away from it." Once you are invested, once you make that decision to do laundry, you are hooked and for at least the next two hours of your life, you are indebted to your laundry. Ok, you can walk away in an emergency but if you choose to do so, know that when you come back to it, you will be back to square one. If you leave the clothes in the washer to long, they start to smell and if you leave them in the dryer to long, they begin to wrinkle.

I hate doing laundry because it is so unsatisfying. Nobody will ever comment on how clean your clothes are--it's just an expectation. It is the longest chore to complete yet the least satisfying. It takes 10 minutes to do all the dishes, spray some Mr. Clean on the counter and wipe it off and your guest will walk into your home and comment on how clean your place is, but you just spent an entire evening doing laundry and nobody notices. Furthermore, they will only notice if you didn't do laundry and you rock your favorite t-shirt with a blob of bar-b-que sauce on it--now your a dirty person but if you invite people over and your place is a mess, people excuse it without further ado.

I hate doing laundry because all month I trip over hangers, I move 3, 4 hangers out of the way to get to the shirt of my choice and then come laundry day, I need more hangers! I promise, you will NEVER have enough hangers on laundry day. It's just a fact, doesn't matter how many you buy, you will never have enough on laundry day. You know the stores sell the most hangers on Sunday? It is true, all week long there is every shape, color, and size of hanger, but you go to Wal-Mart on Sunday evening and all of a sudden a 10 pack of white hangers is harder to find than the latest video game during Christmas season. Trust me, I wouldn't lie to you. If you are skeptical, check it out yourself...

I hate doing laundry because once you start a load of laundry, you naturally get yourself in the cleaning mood. And it will never fail that you will start cleaning. I think it is almost a tick or involuntary action that all humans assume and I mean since you will spend the next several hours at home doing laundry, you might as well get some cleaning done, right? Absolutely right, and so you do. And what do you have after a few hours of cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen? You have at least two or three dirty washcloths so now you have more decisions to make. You know these washcloths need cleaned, they look far worse than any one piece of clothing you put into the washer but everybody knows that three washcloths do not make up a whole load so what do you do? Maybe just bite the energy cost and wash them, maybe just toss them in the garbage because, even yourself, is disgusted with how dirty they are, or maybe you toss them in the hamper and put them off for next month.

I hate doing laundry because I hate buying laundry soap. Why is it that laundry soap is so much more expensive then dish soap or shampoo? I think its a conspiracy. I think it is because those who make laundry soap know that regardless of how much it cost, people are going to buy it. You might try to cut cost and switch from Tide with Febreeze to the Great Value brand but even still, it is expensive. We all do it, we all buy laundry soap and we all hate buying it but never does that stop us from buying it because we aren't going to stop doing laundry, even if we hate it.

I hate doing laundry because it is one chore that I just cannot delegate. I don't want anybody else touching my laundry. Other chores that I hate I could easily pay someone else to do but not laundry. I am forever stuck with the one chore that I hate because under no circumstance will I pay for someone to go through each article of my clothing and judge me for it--what size I wear, what brands I like, the hard stale wash cloths at the bottom of the hamper, the dirty socks, the shirts with holes in them but I love anyway, no way would I make myself vulnerable to that so instead, I will do laundry every month, and I will complain about it.

You better know that on this Sunday evening, my laundry is done and all put away---besides four shirts laying on my bed without a hanger to hang them on.....damn

Enjoy your lives,

ak

Life: A continuum of learning, teaching

The average American child spends 25,920 hours in school, 18,396 hours watching TV, and 41,326 hours participating in an organized function whether it be sports practice/games, music, art, chorus. These are significant numbers, majority of one's life is spent in school, watching TV, or participating in an organized activity all because we have a fantastic thirst for knowledge. A lot of people, especially kids, say to me that they hate school or that they hate learning yet you ask them why they like to watch TV and they say it is fun and exciting. It is at this time that I watch them control the remote, flipping anxiously, disappointed at some channels and excited about others, these kids have no time for commercials--often saving several channels on their remote to promote optimal timing and to ensure only little distraction of commercials. I have to ask, why? Why not that channel kid? I've seen that one before! AH HA....case closed you do like to learn, you avoid watching shows that you have already seen because it is boring, predictable, and not exciting...same with school. The kids are now lost and I am about to win the world's worst babysitter award but I found this fascinating and exciting to me. Everyday I learn something new and I teach something to someone...it's a balance between learning and teaching. This blog is composed of things that I have learned in my life that I feel are worth teaching.....They are in no particular order of importance.

1) Grilled cheese should always be made with 1.25-1.5 pieces of cheese (depending on how large the piece of bread is) but never should it be insulted with only one piece of cheese.

2) You can assume with 100% confidence that a mean person is an unhappy person.

3) Spend less money than you make, always.

4) The only way to achieve a maximum life is to be challenged to do so.

5) Own all of your decisions that you make, whether they are good or bad, own them without making excuses for them. An honest and real person is always easier to understand and forgive than one who makes a career out of making excuses.

6) Work hard to find a balance between logic and dreams.

7) Spend time with yourself, learn about yourself, learn why you make the decisions you do.

8) Remember that your reputation can kill you whereas your identity can save you so keep a close eye on both and be prepared to make frequent adjustments and changes.

9) Recognize where you are in everything you do...know where you fit between novice and expert.

10) Going from novice to expert is much easier than expert to novice...be aware of that and the challenges that can trip you.

11) Study something that isn't part of the curriculum.

12) When facing a hard decision to make, stop!, sit down for 5-8 minutes and think about what YOUR goals are for the decision you are about to make..that will usually help you make an agreeable decision happen.

13) Never go more than 6 months without seeing your family. More than a month without talking to them or more than a day without thinking about them.

14) Write out 100 goals for your life. They can range from simple, short-term, and probable, to long-term and not so probable. I did this and one of my goals was to own a yellow submarine=not probable but it is still fun to know that you think enough of yourself to have goals for your life.

15) If you don't make a decision because you feel that someone in particular will judge you for it....go up to that person and ask them what they think about on a daily basis....I guarantee you they will not include you.

16) Find 10 things that you enjoy that are under $5 and treat yourself to one of them every week, 2 of them on a stressful week, 3 of them on busy week, 4 of them during break up week, 5 of them during finals week and all 10 of them on pay day :-)

17) If you are a gum chewer, always buy it in 3-packs.

18) Clean your car out at least every 2 weeks. I mean vacuum, armor-oil, windex, the works!

19) Make it an expectation to be punctual. Don't conform into the "fashionably late" class.

20) Finally remember this very real phenomena: You already survived the most traumatic experience one can go through, birth! So be proud of that and live without waiting for something to live for.

ak is out.....It be a perfect weathered Sunday in downtown Durham. I am enjoying 2 of my favorite under $5 dollar treats...a blueberry scone and a black coffee. I walk up and down 9th street without a single expectation. I wear recycled shoes, blue jeans, t-shirt and cardigan and accessorize myself with a scarf and sunglasses. I rock my Duke backpack per usual as it is a vital part of my survival right after airway, breathing, and circulation comes Duke backpack. Enjoy this day and perhaps entertain me when things that you have learned in your life that are worth teaching! Good day ya'l.

AK

Help eradicate losers

Do you know someone who always looks tired? Consistently looks stressed out? Makes an obnoxious "Sign" every time you ask them how they are doing? People that make a career out of being miserable or just a career out of getting attention? I mean how do some people act so overwhelmed before their day even starts? That is totally predetermined and you should not play into that. Tell those people, tomorrow, to get over it and to stop being annoying.

Do you have skinny friends who always say they are fat? Tell them they are fat.

Do you have friends who tell you that their friends are jealous of them because they are prettier? Tell your friend that they're not jealous and if your really into it, tell that person that they really aren't that pretty.

Do you have friends that think every boy they see is hitting on them? Tell your friend they are not hitting on you.

If you follow this advice, it will not be long before you are free. You will all of a sudden have more time for yourself and you will feel fantastic. If you do this, you will feel like you make a difference and that you are a unique person. If you follow my advice you will never have to deal with annoying co-workers/friends/classmates or acquantances who always look stressed no matter how early it is into their day. If you follow my advice you your friends won't tell you that they look fat because they know you won't give them the answer they are really looking for. Furthermore if you follow my advice you will free yourself from dealing with a lot of immature, self-absorbed, snotty people all the while adding less fuel to their fire. People who do this should not exist but they always will if us nice folks buy into their ridiculous and pathetic lives.

Risk verses benefit, update

Hi everybody. Though it may seem like I have ignored my blog, the real truth is, I have not, I am constantly thinking of things to blog about and it just so happens that I have not met my next blog material. I choose to blog today not because I am overwhelmingly inspired to but because I do some some positive updates.

July 26th at 1302 a fantastic dream of mine became true and I was offered a job at Duke University Medical Center or DUMC. I asked no questions, consulted nobody, and said yes. I spent the following days collecting Duke paraphernalia and reading everything I could on oncology and radiology.

During my study breaks I thought a lot about my dreams versus goals and how they relate to what I am experiencing now. After some thought I determined that goals are mostly self inflicted and self driven. I believe that most goals only require one resource, yourself. I differentiate this from dreams in the very real sense that my dream of working at Duke required many resources. It was not entirely up to just me, I had to convince several people en route to working at Duke that I would be a good addition and that I should be hired. I had to have a lot of things go right which is why dreams are much harder to pursue and to obtain.

I do have a large threshold when it comes to risk, about 70%. That meaning that whenever I want to do something, I will as long as there is less than a 70% chance that I will fail. During my two day solo drive to North Carolina I recorded myself being "real" and saying exactly what I planned to do. I had X amount of money and a 6 month lease obligated to me and I promised myself that when the money was gone and I still did not have a job then I would pack my stuff up and go back to DSM and start over.

I think taking risks are fun--without taking risks you will never be the hero, you'll never reach your maximum potential and you will always wake up disappointed that you were having a dream rather than living it. Some of you 13 followers are probably thinking, whatever, I am living the dream and I didn't have to move half way across the country to obtain my dream and I can agree with you, your dreams are different than mine which is awesome. If your dream is to have kids and you have kids then your exactly right but don't ignore the risk you had to take to follow that dream. This is supposed to empower you all, not tell you how awesome I am...I feel like I have to explain that a lot to people. The real point here is that everybody takes risk so own the risk you take, acknowledge them and embrace them.

Ok, I wil end with a small scale example. I was in the airport a couple months ago and I sat across from an asian man who was sleeping. I noticed him waking up every 10-15 minutes and look frantically at his watch when he was satisfied with the time, he fell back asleep. While he was asleep I heard on the loud speaker "Traveler Myung Soo Kim last call, Myung Soo Kim please report to terminal C12...Last call Myung Soo Kim." I could not help but think that maybe the oriental man sleeping across from me was Myung Soo Kim. I thought about it for a few seconds before I tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was Myung Soo Kim because they just announced last call for boarding. He looked completely weirded out and said in perfect english "My name is Alex Hansen you stereotypical idiot." I was not embarrassed, perhaps I should of been though. But I just explained to him my theory of risk versus benefit and how I was prepared to hear exactly what he said and I was also prepared to be the hero. He accepted my explanation and apologized for calling me a stereotypical idiot. We ended up talking for the next half an hour.

Update success...later people.

1, 2, 3...A,B,C...Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas

Patterns. Patterns are critical. Patterns are predictable, scientific, reliable, and play a very important role in all life. I think all humans pick up on patterns as infants subconsciously but when and if you ever bring the patterns you witness to a conscious level of thinking, I am certain your life will change and you will become closer to your optimal level of happiness.

I explained in my first blog that this blog is all about me and for me so I share this with all of you understanding that. I was a girl of pattern. I recognized patterns from a young age but never knew how to deal with them or why it would make a difference in my life. It started as a very innocent obsession, almost even expected, but it definitely changed my life.

At the beginning of every school year I would get an assignment notebook for school. Yes, it was on the required "supply list," but I never wrote a single assignment down instead at the bottom left of every single day, I wrote a number. A countdown to be specific. A countdown for Christmas, a countdown for my Birthday, a countdown for Spring Break and a countdown for summer break and each day I cross the day off and grow more and more excited for whichever event was nearing.

Much to my surprise, each event came and at the conclusion of the event, I would be sad. Now I use the word "sad" and you may all be thinking, "well duh, we're all sad that certain things come and go," but I was really sad. I remember becoming obsessed with the reality that, "this time yesterday it was Christmas and now it's gone," "this time yesterday my whole family was at my house and we were all having fun, ect. ect." The problem was I never felt like I had the right to be sad, I didn't realize all this until way after the fact but I remember, FOR SURE, not feeling like I could ever act sad. I was funny, happy-go-lucky, care-free, laid back, this was my reputation and I was not about to lose that. Nobody would ever know that I was sad, heck nobody would believe me even if I told them I was. So I pressed on.

I will say here that yes I was sad but not debilitated. I could move on and I did but I still could not help the way I felt and the obsession I had with trying to relive certain events with "this time yesterday, or this time last week..." This happened year after year. The sadness didn't though, I would get over it and get myself pumped up for the next big event. The even would come and almost immediately after..most of the time that same day, I would lay in bed after the exciting day and ruminate over the fact that its over and that this time yesterday it hadn't even started.

I also remember hearing these comments on a daily basis, "Not today Ang," "We'll have to think about it," "I'm not ready today," "Today isn't a good day," "Maybe tomorrow," "We're to busy today Ang," I accepted all of these, sometimes with a fight, but at the end of the day, I accepted them and just learned that, in more times than not, today was not a good day.

In high school I got my first job and learned a lot about money. Now if you know my dad, you know that all of us "Kinney girls" are survivors of several lectures and lessons regarding money. During this time I learned about credit cards and interest rates, promotions, marketing of financial schemes and these conversations all started and ended with doing NOTHING today. Don't pay for 90 days, 12 months no interest, No down payment, Pay nothing for 3 years, and the ever enticing, try the product for 30 days free.

Though these comments may seem unrelated, I promise, if you had your coffee today and can get through the entire blog, you will see how they relate.

I started realizing that it wasn't just me who often "wished away" days, but our entire society does this. We are all afraid of today. Nobody wants to make a decision today. Today is so close, so relevant, so near, so sudden and it is so uncomfortable for us. As a kid, an entire day is a long time and we think all decisions should be made within seconds but as we grow up we become so uncomfortable with the now that we simply put it off. We put it on credit cards, we put it on our "to do" list, we put it on our 5 year plan, we put it somewhere so that we don't have to think about it, not today.

We all watch the news, we all read the newspaper, we all understand that people are 100% healthy and get T-boned and die instantly. I have seen it in the ED when a patient walks in complaining of vague symptoms and goes pulseless while his wife parks the car. I talked to a guy at 3pm one day in April of 2005 only to hear on the 10 o'clock news that he died instantly on his motorcycle. But this time yesterday they were here, this time yesterday they were with their families, this time last week they were writing their "to do list," and saying to their kids, "not today honey."

Now I am not saying that we need to become compulsive and obsessed with the reality that today could be your last. I am, in no way, prepared to tell you that I "Live like I'm dying," despite the fact that I know I am as we all are. But can we learn from these patterns? Yes, I know we can because I have. I am not asking you or anyone to expect imminent death but what I can offer and can attest to is challenging yourselves to make time for today. Continue to be excited for the "big days" but be excited for today too. Find ways to make you happy today and not just the happy we all expect--but happy we don't expect.

I think we all let ourselves off the hook on this. I am pretty certain that you all are thinking "I am so happy to have my children here," or "I am so happy to have my husband," "I am so happy to have a job," "I am so happy to have friends, family, clothes, food." These are all good things, great things, I mean fantastic things that make us happy but they are expected of you and me. You expected to wake up today and have your kids there. You expect to go to bed and have your spouse there. You are expected to come home to a house and to have food in the kitchen to make dinner but the challenge is to find happiness in the unexpected things. This is a challenge because it makes us be aware, more conscious, more willing to slow down and see things the way they sit today. It challenges us to look at nature, strangers, and art and we don't have time for that....

Own today. Own your decisions that you make today. Instead of creating a massive "to do" list, DO the "to do list," and stop being scared of today. Today is a good day. Today is today. You have to be happy today even if today isn't Christmas or your birthday or your anniversary, or your wedding. Today IS valid and I promise if you are happy today you will be happy on Christmas and furthermore you won't be laying there in bed Christmas night saying to yourself, "this time yesterday."

I'm out peeps.
ak^3

Whhhammmy

Hi, couple things to "clean up" here, people keep suggesting that I write a book--a funny, inspirational book..well here's the deal people...I know for a fact that I will never be a best selling author. I know this for a few reasons.

1- I am not a pro athlete
2-I am not a wife of a political leader who cheated on me.
3- I was not abused as a child.
4- I did not get away with murder.

So back off, I will never be a best selling author...I'm not even a "best selling" blogger, I've had one comment in the last 18 post...I should be embarrassed. I should never sign on to this account again.

Second thing: Straight talk with AK----

People suggested to me that they could not move half way across the country w/o a job because their friends, family, co-workers, and peers would think that they were crazy....ok.

So we'll call this person GL. GL cannot change jobs, move to a different city, have a 5th baby, or go to the grocery store late at night because she is afraid of what people will think. Here is what I did for GL, I went to her parents and asked her mom what she thinks about everyday "Work, my sick mother, my anniversary coming up, selling the house, my grocery list, and what I will make for dinner." (Notice, she does not think about GL) Similar responses from her dad, her friends, and her co-workers....To sum it up..people don't think about you, people don't care what you do or how you do it..and if they are truly concerned for you, they are for, on average, 4 minutes at a time, those four minutes are commercial breaks, red lights, the period of time right before they fall asleep, and while they wait for their food at a restaurant. So just a lesson--if you find yourself holding back because you feel like people will think badly of you, DON'T, they are not only not thinking badly of you, they aren't thinking of you at all. Get over yourself and do something cool.

ak

Obituary

I come to the computer tonight with a heavy heart. Unemployed Angela was declared dead today at 1302. The cause of death listed on her death certificate is a very rare condition called "Duke fever."

Unemployed AK had no enemies and will be missed by many. She will be missed for her laid-back, nonchalant attitude, her 24/7 availability, and her knack for looking busy when she had absolutely nothing to do. Do not be sad though my friends, I can tell you that unemployed AK spent her final days doing what she loves--riding her bike, staying up late, sleeping in, eating only snacks all day, watching documentaries, driving around aimlessly, being awkward in bars, blogging, playing her Wii and her board games. Unfortunately there was simply not enough free time, late nights, parties, vacations, snacks, video games, or reality TV to save her.

Though her death was not sudden. I can look back and pinpoint exactly when things began to look grim. Though unemployed AK's parents and siblings admit to noticing all the signs and symptoms of the rare Duke fever when she was young, they said that they never believed it would ultimately take her life.

"Looking back, I think I could have done more but all of her doctors/teachers/and friends assured us it would not be fatal and instead a phase that she was going through. As a mother, you just hope you are doing the right things but unemployed AK was so different from the other girls. She didn't take discipline, you could not tell the child no, she became obsessed with being the best, she was so competitive in everything....her dad and I even thought she had the ADD, never would we have guessed it would be the Duke fever."---unemployed AK's mom

All the signs where there but nothing could prepare her family for the series of events that would unravel starting in June. Her dad says that looking back, it was not until June when he realized that she was going downhill. "She refused to let her mom and I travel to NC with her and instead packed up her stuff and drove off to NC, I wish I could have said something but just by looking at her I knew that my words would not be heard, there was no telling her no at this point. It was this day when I knew we were going to lose her."

Things got worse, June 28th unemployed AK received a call and scheduled an appointment for July 2nd, Interview day. After the results came back from the interview and she was asked to come back the next week, I knew in my heart that she was gone. But still getting the official word is emotional and shocking.

Ha, hi guys just wanted to say that yes, all the rumors are true....I got a job at Duke University Medical Center in the oncology/radiology department....start date Aug. 16th!

Can not help it.

Hi, I apologize for my latest obsession with the Onion and trying to be as create as the real Onion writers--Reading the Onion everyday is one of only two things that still makes it worth living, the second of course being the collaborative effort of chips + dip.

Alright, feels good to be just me again after all this blog is supposed to be all about me. My latest fixation is human behavior. I have learned that the first step in changing any particular behavior is first acknowledging it. Per text, I should be able to identify my negative behaviors and change them...well I'll tell you what this is the dumbest theory I have ever heard and I believe that I have single-handedly disproven this theory. Because I am so evidence-based, I will offer my evidence that will show you that this theory is not accurate.

Zits/pimples/acne/gross stuff on my face---Something I wake up to everyday. Now I am not the "pimply kid," and I certainly do not employee "lunch lady" acne---oh come on, you know...the skin tags...on the neck? What? were ya'l home schooled or something? This phenomena-this growing creature on my face is my first evidence: See I know I should not pick, obsess, worry, touch, apply makeup on, manipulate in any way, cover my face in ketchup, put peanut butter on my zits, or even allow myself to think about what is growing on my face. I have listened to more than one late night informercial related to skin care and know very well that I should not do ANYTHING besides clean my face. Well, I have a secret--I am confident that since the evolution of acne on my face, I have never had a zit that I was able to resist touching at least one during its existence. I know the behavior is wrong--I know it makes it worse but I cannot change it. In fact, I feel like ever since acknowledging this behavior, I've gotten worse...I will touch it and know its wrong, then I will try to destroy all evidence of me touching it so i'll apply foundation, then I'll realize that makes me look even worse, so I scrub the foundation off, while taking the foundation off, I irritate the skin around it and now its itching...I know I shouldn't touch it--but i'm not stopping now..fuck it, i've already relapsed and plus i'm on a mission--to disprove a theory. I scratch, scratch, scratch...awesome....now i'm bleeding, yes bleeding. Mission accomplished....take take psychotherapist....another one of the UN-EM-ployyyed.

Toothpaste---behavior: refusing to buy toothpaste unless I have already suffered from at least 3 episodes of severe hand cramps related to getting the last drop of toothpaste out of the tube and onto the brush. There is no reason I should ever find myself in this situation but I do...every time...can't change.

Scabs/callus/blister--Again, never had one of these that I have been able to leave alone and let heal in the appropriate fashion. Neosporin and a bandaid?.... Maybe for a minute and usually not before I do my own investigation on the injury. Can't change...Know its bad, acknowledge it, and can't do nothing about it.

Q-tips--weapons of mass ear drum destruction? Buy them in balk and use them daily, sometimes twice.

Speeding while driving? Dangerous. Related in 89% of fatal accidents. I know I shouldn't do it but I ALWAYS do it, well I follow the ABC rule...always besides cops. Can't change. I know its bad. I acknowledge the negative behavior.


Help me disprove this theory...think of at least one thing that you do, that you know you shouldn't, but you can't help. You can leave a comment, I promise the comment button won't bite, cause bodily harm, or initiate a virus on your system so don't be scared.

simple ak

Monsanto and Tyson merge

Simple Onion

Today Monsanto, a U.S.-based multinational agricultural biotechnology corporation, declares its agreement with Tyson Foods, the world's largest processors and marketers of chicken, beef and pork.

The merge comes after an extensive three day study with one of Monsantos newest breed of seeds. They found that the new seed actually biochemically altered the genetic makeup of several chickens at one of Tyson's chicken farms. The seed specifically alters the chicken's heart--so much that they believe that the chicken's heart can be successfully transplanted into a human body.

Monsanto's general manager sits with us and states,"this is great news, a true revolution, a changing day in America." The three day study was so signficant that the FDA did not have to do any further research to approve the use of these chicken's hearts for human transplants.

A member of the FDA comments that, "It would be stupid to delay patient care by performing more research, plus it would cost a lot of money and it is possible with enough research, it would be determined that this would not save the lives of humans, and it would instead kill them. I mean face it, if you fight a good thing long enough, it could become bad and well I just don't think that is necessary. Plus, besides my responsibilities at FDA, I am also the president of Monsanto and I believe in the product and the research that has already been done."

It is expected that heart transplants could begin immediately, as soon as next week. To warn off speculation and concern, the citizens of the United States should know that extensive training will be offered to any and all surgeons before they are allowed to complete a transplant. Americans should be comforted that this training will consist of at one four hour online course and surgeons will not considered certified or competent until they complete the ten question multiple choice exam at the end of the presentation.

I caught up with one patient who has been on a heart transplant list for 17 hours and expected to die if he does not receive a heart within the next two days. His wife spoke for him. "I admit, I was a little skeptical at first but after hearing that the surgeons will have to take a training course and pass an exam certaintly erased all fear. I just want my husband back so when the story broke, I immediately contacted my husband's cardiologist and told him the story. He was immediately interested. Within minutes he was in my husband's room talking about the procedure. He is so dedicated, such a wonderful doctor and man. He said he would have to review the course and pass the exam before they would send him the chicken heart. Being the dedicated doctor he is, he immediately pulled his iPhone out and downloaded the course. Within minutes he was done and the chicken heart was on his way. Such a brilliant man, they said it would take hours. I asked him how he could read so fast, thinking he must have learned that in medical school. He said with a gentle smile, oh i'll never forget that smile, he downloaded the Monsanto App that would allow him to skip the course and only answer one question...this really allowed me to see how passionate this doctor was and how he really cared about saving my husband."

A Tyson rep humbly tells that us the original mission of Tyson was to offer poor people the opportunity to eat meat like the rich people. Now, we just keep growing and we can now offer poor people a heart transplant. This really does not go without a lot of hard work and dedication, I'm so proud of the industry and Monsantos willingness to bargain with us.

The official deal between Monsanto and Tyson is not all worked out yet but it will probably include an exchange of Tyson's new honey bar-b-qued wings. Neither part are concerned with the deal though, they are both just concerned with overtaking America's economy and being the only two companies in the world..."That would be awesome," the president of Monsanto tell us.

It wasn't supposed to be like this

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't looking for a commitment, I didn't want anything long term. I had a simple need--a quest rather, and just one. I was looking for the one and done. I was looking to cheat the system when I approached you.

You offered yourself for free, no string attached, you said I could drop you whenever but now I can't. This isn't fair. My dad warned me about you but I believed I was strong. Heck, I'm Angela Kinney, the definition of independent, but you turned me into something else.

Your humor is second to none. The information you provide is like something I have never experienced. Your "thrill factor" is something I now find myself begging for. You now consume me, I think about you often, I can't wait until you show up the very next day. Despite these positive feelings I have for you, I'm stil mad. You changed me and thats not fair.

I used to be strong, independent, and unpredictible but you stripped me of all that and now I find myself weak to you, an inch worm at best. I know my feelings are true but I know you have other girls who are equally in love with you but you make me feel so special, so unique, you cater to my specific needs, you know me, you know what I like, what I don't like and you cater to that. I appreciate this but like I said, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

Everything about this is wrong. I don't have the time for you, I don't have the money for you, and I certaintly don't have the emotional support that I need to deal with all your drama, suspense, and horror. Your so wrong for me. Your Sci-Fi & fantasy is not real nor is it consistent with the way I live. Your dramatic and I'm not...see we're so incompatible so why is it that I find myself wanting you more and more? Maybe it's your convenience...I have needs and you meet them, see it's not about you, its all about me and you put up with that.

I wanted to drop you after the "trial period," but I can't now...now I'm to in love with you. Maybe this is what love really is, maybe it is supposed to hurt, supposed to be financially draining, and time consuming.

Fuck you NetFlix and your scandalous marketing tactics.

Healthcare hopeful goes "geek"

The Onion-peeled. REPORT: Healthcare hopeful goes "geek"


Durham, NC--- 23 y/o Angela Kinney, a once inspired nurse now gains national attention doing something she would have never imagined just one year ago. Kinney, whose name was only familiar to a few people outside of her hometown, Des Moines, Iowa, is now a global hero.


After months of attempting to land gainful employment in the healthcare field and no prevail Kinney remembers feeling embarrassed and humbled. "That sounds good but the truth is, I didn't feel anything. I got all doped up, watched TV and ate PB&J three times a day." Just a regular gal with an extraordinary talent.


"The day started like every other day. I woke up, showered, ate breakfast--" Excuse me, can I stop you here? I am just dying to know what a prodigy like you eats for breakfast. There is so much advertising for the best "brain" foods for breakfast. I am sure you know all about the 8 layers and cage-free organic Eggland's best? "Yeah, I have heard of those things, I prefer vodka and skittles." You mean you do the work you do without using the 8 layers? Amazing.


---"After breakfast I went to the library to read a few articles and print some things off. I attempted to open the files on my USB device and the dumb thing would not work." Uh huh, go on... "I was pissed off, I finally got it to work for seconds at a time by positioning it very strategically. I retrieved a few documents, but not all. Being mindful of my recent luck, I did not want to take any chances so I took it to best Best Buy and the geek squad. The gentleman took two butter knifes and a gavel to my USB device, shook his head twice, removed the pencil from behind his ear, scratched his neck, shifted his weight, smiled and said that it was unrepairable."

That must have been so hard. "It was, it was, but it also gave me hope....hope for employment...hope for gainful employment." Do tell...."Well I went across the street to Wal-Mart, walked straight to electronics stole 10 USB devices, PS3, a lap top, 6 iPods, and 4 Garmins. When I got home with the electronics. I set up shop. Oh I forgot a step, I paid the old man greeter $1.50 for his sweet royal blue vest then I went home. Put on the vest and some khakis and jammed out to Papa Roach- "Last Resort," and began working.


First, I made sure that all of the devices worked initially then just one by one I started destroying them---Within 5 hours I had destroyed every electronic that I stole from Wal-Mart and within a day I destroyed every electronic that I could get my hands on. Each destruction was strategic, purposeful, and awesome." You must have felt really empowered? "Oh, I felt more than empowered, I felt alive again, I felt a calling, I couldn't get enough of it....After my 52nd destruction I was convinced that I was the best. Still wearing my vest, I went to Best Buy equipped with my resume.....52 broken electronics. Without saying a word, we shook and that was it."


Kinney's boss tells us his recollection of his first encounter with Angela, "Well it was just very evident that she was far beyond anyone else. She is absolutely right, I did not have to say one word, I just saw her, saw her bag of broken electronics and knew she would be a great addition to our squad. We constantly get comments back about Angela and her dedication to her work. Let me read one of the comments that a client of her's left.

"Angela, geek squad, is by far the best. I brought in my brand new computer and just wanted assistance in installing a new software. Lo and behold she had my computer completely destroyed within minutes of me turning over most prized possession."

Tell me, did you have any hesitation in changing professions? "To be honest, yes. I am a natural leader, I always wanted to be the boss, to be the best, to have power and I worried about this profession giving me enough power to satisfy my needs. I overcame this fear when I realized that it was not just about destroying peoples expensive electronics, but it is more about destroying their life. I have the power to destroy a life time of hard work, a thesis paper due at midnight, and families only pictures of deceased relatives. It was only after I realized this that I knew this career change would be seamless. There is no greater power than being able to destroy these precious documents that are entrusted to me."

Is there a particular destruction that is most meaningful to you? "Not one in particular, they're all inspiring, but see I also have a fantastic ability to read my customers faces and judging a person's facial expression will usually indicate to me how meaningful the destruction will be. For example--I love college-age kids, I know their destruction will be powerful. When customers present to the counter sweating and frantic, those will be good too."

What is the hardest thing to destroy? "Well I am the best, I work for the most elite class of destroyers so there is nothing that me or my squad cannot destroy but some Apple products give us a run, but we ultimately destroy those as well.

There you have it folks. Standing live the worlds most decorated electronic destroyer.

How do you know?

How do you know when you are misusing google?

Good question, first of all I will say that google is good but it's not God. Just know that every time you choose google, there is a better option...just not as easy, free, fast, and available. You know you misuse google when you repeatedly get one of two messages, one being the message "0 results," or two being "1-99,999,999 results."

I don't know why this is happening all the time, I swear I do not plan it but it just happens. My mom, yet again makes the blog. My mom is the only person I know that can google something and get "0 results." But before you go swearing off google, know why she gets 0 results.

You just have to know that you can't type full paragraphs into google, it's just not meant for that. Consider this, your family wants to order a pizza, what do you do? Google the name of the place you want. Find the store nearest you. Call and order. 45 minutes your eating your pizza....no, no, no, not when your my mom, not when your misusing google.

Same scenario, ordering pizza. My mom will type in something like this: Where is the best deal for two large pizzas, bread sticks, desert, for delivery. My address is 803 36th st. Name is Jane. First pizza will be all cheese. Second green pepper, sausage, and mushroom. Knock hard, door bell doesn't work. ENTER

0 results.

weirdest part of it all: She looks completely shocked when nothing comes up. She even often goes on to find something/someone to blame for it. "Jack, did you pay the internet bill? For some reason this isn't working," "Laura, why don't you run down stairs and try to reset the router."

Just Saying...

Yeah, so I do consider myself pretty laid back and relatively "chill." Not stoner chill where you have to, more than once, check the person's pulse to see if their breathing but none the less I consider myself pretty level. I don't have road rage, I don't freak out when a cashier takes their sweet time ringing up each item and if a restaurant messes up my order, I don't throw a huge fit...I will ask for a new plate but I won't demand that it will be free and tell them that I will never be going back. All this being said, I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with a few things.

Who loves pay at the pump? I love pay at the pump, I remember the day it was first invented and since then I utilize it almost exclusively. But pay at the pump is changing, and I don't like it. It used to be just that, you pay at the pump and your on your way. Today, it's more like answer 10 questions, then pay at the pump, then answer more questions and then go. Maybe I am exaggerating and it's only a few questions but the screen takes so long to recognize your answer that it is so annoying to me. For example now they all ask, "Do you want a car wash?" UM NO.."Do you want to use debit or credit?" I hate this question most because I'll always push debit and it will say something like "option not available, accepting only credit." Hey listen you stupid machine, I didn't create the "options," you offered them and I choose one..sorry my bad..lets start over. "Do you want a car wash?" Credit or Debit? Would you like a receipt? Perhaps you are hungry and would like to try our new $0.99 Taquitos? Made fresh daily. NOOO, I would like to pump and go......like you FUCKING advertise! I am sorry, but this annoys me.

Another annoying thing is I just signed up for a new credit card with Bank of America. The initial process was easy, I even filled out one of those comment cards because I was so impressed. Since getting the card in the mail, a representative calls me almost everyday with new "offers" and rewards that I am eligible for. After I deny all of them, she goes on to tell me that I am taking huge risk without signing up for the fraud protection plan. She says, "I am very vulnerable to being a victim of credit card theft, even saying that without signing up for this fraud protection plan, I will have no support for when my credit card gets stolen." Ok, lady, back up...do you know how dumb you sound? You are telling me that you are going to charge me $6.99/month and that will protect me from being responsible for any charges that I don't make? Hm, see lady I don't have any "fraud protection plan now" but if I noticed a charge on my card that I didn't make, I wouldn't pay it---because thats in my contract and its free. She say's, "So your willing to give up everything to save $6.99/month? I sit and I think about this and can't help but be weirded out. I think about all the people I see who are homeless and/ or really poor and whenever I ask them why they are poor or homeless, I have never once heard "because my credit card was stolen and I didn't spend the $6.99/month so I lost everything. Have you ever heard that? NO...have you heard someone say, "I had just enough money saved for my kids to go to college and then my credit card was stolen and now I have nothing..yeah, nothing just this card board sign and 2 packs of Bronson Lights." "Yup, I was on my way to purchase a swagger wagon when my I noticed my credit card was missing, by the time I called the credit card company, they said I had nothing, and when I got home 12 minutes later, the house was completely empty, and a note hung from the door "You should have spent $6.99/month because your credit card was stolen, we repossessed all of your things and will bull-doze your home at 1600. Needless to say I did not sign up for the fraud plan and would consider calling verizon to change my number if I felt like dealing with them and their automated messages.

Oh and just one more thought..this doesn't really bother me, it is just a fantastic observation I have made. When we think of the "poker face" and how powerful it is, we often think of professional poker players and perhaps some great game show host right? Well I want to offer another population that has, in my opinion, the "best" poker face. Airline flight personel...you know those people that you run to, sweating, and almost in tears...you finally get it out that you missed your flight and are looking to get on the next one. They say a few words, maybe, but mostly just stare at their screen and press buttons. They never make a sound like "eh, um, let's see," They never make even a slight facial expression of either hope or despair. You stand less than 3 feet away from them and cannot, despite your best effort, figure out what they see on that screen or if you will get on another flight. They keep pressing buttons and you keep standing there, tempted to ask something like, "so watcha thinking about," but you don't. You stand there and the anticipation is almost hurting but because the sensation is so intense you can't open your mouth, you can't even move. All you can do at this point is bargain with the higher being. Please God, if I can just get on the next flight, I will not have 7 beers in the next airport bar and miss my flight again, I won't even have 3 beers, actually if you get me on the next flight I will not even have one beer, I will go right to my gate and sit there.... I promise God.....)

Finally, she prints you off a boarding pass and says, "Yes, you are on the next flight, leaving at 2pm. And then all of a sudden, without stopping yourself, you do it...you ask the dumb question...you say "I got a flight?" Ah, I am so disappointed whenever I ask such a question so I am now conscious of what is happening and I challenge you to refrain from this hideus question yourselves. I promise you, you will feel much better about yourself if you do not ask the dumb question that Jeff Foxworthy makes a living off of...Here's your sign... Still frantic, you look around..and dig yourself deeper by asking, what sign? YOUR FUCKING BOARDING PASS, you idiot! Anyway, I think their poker face is amazing but what I can't figure out is if they teach them that or if that is just something they have to bring to the table as an applicant. Can't you imagine what their interview is like, "So, how would your friends describe your best poker face?" "Give me a situation that you experienced where your best poker face was successful? Because we all have them, "Tell me one weakness in your poker face?"

I'm out,
The most productive unemployed person their is, AK

A shout out to my mom, literally....

Yeah, so I just moved to NC from Iowa and things are going well. Well things are going. I am adjusting and all that jazz but I still think its hard for my parents which is evidenced by the numerous phone calls and the messages. You know though, I do love my parents, but oh my, one thing I find baffling is the voice messages my mom leaves me. Now, I should give you all a little history on my mom. My mom is just that a mom, a professional mom and she is sure nice enough but my God I will never understand her messages.

Her messages are so annoying that it is almost worth answering the phone...yeah, its that bad. And what I don't get, most of all, is why she does this. I have learned not to even listen them and she asks why. Truth is, I can't listen to them most of the time. The messages are so long that I not only need a full battery to listen to the whole thing but I need to be in that perfect 4x4 area that receives a perfect signal. Also I don't listen to them because her messages have no objective. They are defined by at least 20 pointless sentences and inspired by no importance.

Now I do love my mom, like I said she is a nice enough lady, one couldn't hate her. But please, let me entertain you with an example of one message she left the other day and I did listen to.

First of all, she always starts the message with the sound of her yawning. I don't get that. It could be 6am, 2pm, or 10pm and I always get her yawning. ("AHHH ahh, uhh, ahh") Hi Ang this is mom, just was thinking about you. (Hard for me to believe, sounds more like she was just thinking about going to bed and wanted to get her word count in for the day and choose me as the victim)

It's about 2 pm our time, which I guess is about 3pm your time. Your probably out doing something but I'm just here thinking about you. (Ok,mom I appreciate the lesson on central time versus eastern time but come on, once is enough...you do not have to provide me with such obvious information EVERY TIME you call, and no, actually, I am doing nothing. I heard my phone, saw it was you, and deliberately choose not not answer knowing you will leave me this 6 minute message)

I visited grandma this morning. She seems to be doing well, and asked about you, I told her that you were doing good and liking NC so far. She said that is great. I went to Hy-Vee today, bought a few groceries. (Yup, mom, thats about what one would expect when someone says that they were to a GROCERY STORE) Laura just left to see a movie. I am not sure what movie but she went with a few friends. Dad is just working downstairs. I read a great book on the deck this morning. I think you would like it. Oh dang, now I can't remember what it was called. Let me look here and find it. I know just right where I left it. Ok, lets see here, not in the kitchen, well maybe I left it in my bedroom, hm, no not in my room, well dang, it was great and I know you would like it. (OK, now do you see what I mean? She doesn't leave messages, she leaves a detailed step by step of what she did/is doing. I mean I literally walked through the house with her looking for this great book that she does not remember the title of. I don't mind my mom calling, I know she cares about me, but come on, don't drag me through the day. Have some sort of objective or goal for your message)

Dang, that just makes me so mad about that book. Dad must have picked it up when he cleaned the kitchen after making chicken. (NO, dad did not touch your stupid book...see, now at this point I am getting annoyed with her message but am to invested to hang up now, knowing that if I don't listen through the whole thing and delete it, it will stay on my phone and when I want to listen to an important message, I will have to listen to this 6 min. pointless message ALL.....OVER.....AGAIN)

The chicken was very good. Not over done, just perfect. We had a salad and baked potato with it, which was all very good. You would have liked it. Well maybe you wouldn't have liked the salad because we had mushrooms on it, but you could have picked the mushrooms off if you wanted I suppose. (Great info. mom, why did you call again? OH, your getting the the point? Yes? Maybe? PLEASE GOD)

"AHH, YAAA, AHH" (yawning again) Well I better let you go now (YA THINK?, I'm exhausted now too). Just give us a call whenever you get a chance. We'll be looking forward to when you visit. Ok, love ya. Bye...(SWEET press 7 delete!) .....Oh one more thing babe (Knew it wasn't over...I JUST KNEW IT) I am just up here in the family room trying to find my show. (WHAT SHOW, I am thinking)...Ok, hmm...I thought it was on channel 8 but its not..maybe 13, let me see here. Hm..it must not be on tonight, thats a bummer. Well alright, bye Ang, love ya. DONE. IT's OVER. and it is at this point that I promise myself that from now on, I will answer the phone every time she calls to avoid this.....And I remain firm on my promise....UNTIL she calls again.

Ha, it is true though, I love my mom but also thought this was perfect "blog material"

ak

Confidence, a ten letter word learned in elementary school

For many years now I have wondered why there is such a range of attitudes and beliefs in people today. More specifically why is there such a wide range of people and how can we all exists? Why, and how, are their serial killers and peacemakers? This question is a question I have looked to answer for the past five years. It started with the question, how can four girls be born to the same parents, grow up in the same house, and become so different?

I did not know how important this question would become to me, or how important it would be in my quest to make the world better, but after reading a book title "Journey of Mankind" by Stephen Oppenheimer I learned how important this would be and it offered my first big break, it validated that the question was important. Through the Journey of Mankind you learn the danger of when like species grow apart and adopt new attitudes. The reason behind this danger is competition and goal division. Furthermore when such a division, or range, of people coexist, the ability to control a population and "govern" a population is much more difficult, and even impossible. This is true today. It is impossible to control the population today. But why did this happen? And can we get back to creating common goals for people to live by? This happened naturally millions of years ago. It happened because when human life first developed, resources were scarce and it was truly "survival of the fittest." Humans set up human traps, competed for food, water, and survival. I can only imagine our first ancestors saying "Geeze, if there was just more berries and food, we could all get along. Today we have all of that, yet we do not all get along. WHY?

Now that my question was validated, I could move forward. I have this question on the top of every page in a notebook and have several ideas being influenced by experiences, literature, and the evolution of my own mind. My theory always was based on the idea that people must have been raised differently than me but to what extent I would have never imagined.

I had an AH HA moment this past week. My nephew, Judah, was born and my mind just happened to wander through the entire course of Emily and Jared's pregnancy and then the pregnancy that my own mom had with me and each of her kids. Then the pregnancies of many other people and a huge pattern was developed and I believe I have another huge lead in answering my initial question. Why is there such a range of attitudes and believes in people today?

This world can be sad if you let it. There is enough justification for any single one human to feel an "impending doom" sensation and to give up. There is evil and bad things happen. There is violence, hate, crime, and regardless of who you are, you are guaranteed to feel the affects of this at some point in your life. You will fail at least once, you will be hurt, you will be sad, you will be made fun of, ignored, judged, laid out, and challenged and these events don't make you special. Being made fun, hurt, or affected by hate and crime don't make you unique, it just makes you human. Despite the fact that your parents always told you that they never wanted to see you hurt or sad, they brought you into this world knowing that you would be. Emily and Jared knew before they got pregnant that despite how cute he is at birth, that he will face challenges throughout his life. He will fail, he will be made fun of, ignored, and judged, but they still wanted him.

Watching Emily prepare for the baby and grow more and more excited with each appointment, and with the passing of each uncomplicated day was joyful. I could, by no means, relate to how awesome it must be to have a baby grow inside of you, but I could feed off of the joy that I saw it bring her, Jared, and the rest of the family. Emily not only accepted the uncomfortable reality of having a baby inside her, but she embraced it. What a gift that is to a child, for someone to embrace you, before you were even viable. What a gift it is for a child to know that their parents accepted the world as it is and choose to bring you into it anyway. What a gift it is to come home to a place that is so prepared for you. How empowering it is for a child to know the you were worth the cost, you were worth the pain, you were worth every one of the five onzies that you soiled in one day. Mostly, how else can someone show you how much they believe in you than to willingly bring you into this world where evil is present, where bad things happen, where you will face challenges, failures, heartache, and self-doubt and believe you can meet these challenges? Emily and Jared have already given that baby the greatest gift, a gift that without, he would be nothing, confidence.

Confidence, a ten letter word learned in elementary school, but without it, you have nothing. You will not live the way I live, you will not experience the success I do. You will not have meaningful relationships instead you will be what I fear. You will commit crimes, you will judge, you will bully, you will try to take me out, you will represent the evil in the world.

It is coming together now. Preparing for the life of a new being is the BEST way to offer the world "another one for the good guys." But how many people, how many babies are born without that? So many. So many. So many evidenced by crime, overcrowded prisons, serial killers, rapist, and hatred and victims of self abuse and domestic abuse. These people don't have confidence because if they did they wouldn't feel the sensation of "impending doom," they wouldn't rely on hurting others for personal gain. They wouldn't commit hate crimes.

I think America is taking the wrong approach and not being proactive enough in regards to screening each parent before they take that baby home. We think that it will just magically grow up and be successful? How are we going to just give out the monetary needs to these people who did not prepare for their child and expect that child to be something better? I used to think that if I could talk to high school and college kids I could persuade them to work hard and be productive, I used to think that if we gave people opportunities, they would take them and grow but this isn't true. We, America, offer food stamps, education, diapers, clothes, and toys which are all ok but until we give our children the confidence to succeed, they won't and the huge range of people will continue to exist and continue to worsen the strength of this world.

I could go on forever, but trying to organize my thoughts now seem to be difficult. I just think that this whole confidence thing is so important because it is inevitable that we will face challenges but what do we do with those challenges? What do we start with? What can we always go back to? What is undebatable? For me, I faced many challenges growing up, and when self doubt entered my head, I had a counter attack, I had confidence. I could say that I know, no matter what I do and what happens, that I have at least two people who believed in me before I was viable. I know that I am Angela Kinney and I am here today. I think if each people had just that, we would be in much, much better shape and perhaps then, we could work on getting them toys, and other extra things.

AK

Hard to decipher between what is "blog worthy" and what is "not blog worthy"

Been awhile, I realized, since I have last blogged. What kept me from blogging was the constant headache I received while trying to decipher between what is and what is not blog worthy.

I moved to North Carolina, Durham to be exact, I believe that is blog worthy. I moved here in hopes of finding a job, go to grad school, and just for a change of pace. BUT until all that develops I stay busy doing whatever it is I want.

For the last two months I have done whatever I want whenever I want and surprisingly have never been more unsatisfied with my life. See, my theory has always been that happy people are productive people. Happy people have jobs, take care of their families, and serve some sort of purpose throughout the day. My theory is right, because I do not serve a purpose on a regular business day instead I just try to stay busy knowing that things will break into place and I will return to my normal self soon. I prepared myself, financially, for this opportunity and tried to prepare myself mentally but it is just harder than it sounds.

I am, however, calm and confident that things will change and sooner than later I will be begging for a break...it always comes so today I just choose to enjoy what life offers me today and what I can offer life.

I love the city of Durham and have found lots of night-life activity. I cannot wait until basketball season, I hear it is a blast. North Carolina has owned the ACC for years and it probably won't stop this year.

Well that was it, just a quick blog update. Hoping to hold off on the next blog until I get a job!

From the Duke Perkins Library, I'm out.

ak

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