How do you know?

How do you know when you are misusing google?

Good question, first of all I will say that google is good but it's not God. Just know that every time you choose google, there is a better option...just not as easy, free, fast, and available. You know you misuse google when you repeatedly get one of two messages, one being the message "0 results," or two being "1-99,999,999 results."

I don't know why this is happening all the time, I swear I do not plan it but it just happens. My mom, yet again makes the blog. My mom is the only person I know that can google something and get "0 results." But before you go swearing off google, know why she gets 0 results.

You just have to know that you can't type full paragraphs into google, it's just not meant for that. Consider this, your family wants to order a pizza, what do you do? Google the name of the place you want. Find the store nearest you. Call and order. 45 minutes your eating your pizza....no, no, no, not when your my mom, not when your misusing google.

Same scenario, ordering pizza. My mom will type in something like this: Where is the best deal for two large pizzas, bread sticks, desert, for delivery. My address is 803 36th st. Name is Jane. First pizza will be all cheese. Second green pepper, sausage, and mushroom. Knock hard, door bell doesn't work. ENTER

0 results.

weirdest part of it all: She looks completely shocked when nothing comes up. She even often goes on to find something/someone to blame for it. "Jack, did you pay the internet bill? For some reason this isn't working," "Laura, why don't you run down stairs and try to reset the router."

Just Saying...

Yeah, so I do consider myself pretty laid back and relatively "chill." Not stoner chill where you have to, more than once, check the person's pulse to see if their breathing but none the less I consider myself pretty level. I don't have road rage, I don't freak out when a cashier takes their sweet time ringing up each item and if a restaurant messes up my order, I don't throw a huge fit...I will ask for a new plate but I won't demand that it will be free and tell them that I will never be going back. All this being said, I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with a few things.

Who loves pay at the pump? I love pay at the pump, I remember the day it was first invented and since then I utilize it almost exclusively. But pay at the pump is changing, and I don't like it. It used to be just that, you pay at the pump and your on your way. Today, it's more like answer 10 questions, then pay at the pump, then answer more questions and then go. Maybe I am exaggerating and it's only a few questions but the screen takes so long to recognize your answer that it is so annoying to me. For example now they all ask, "Do you want a car wash?" UM NO.."Do you want to use debit or credit?" I hate this question most because I'll always push debit and it will say something like "option not available, accepting only credit." Hey listen you stupid machine, I didn't create the "options," you offered them and I choose one..sorry my bad..lets start over. "Do you want a car wash?" Credit or Debit? Would you like a receipt? Perhaps you are hungry and would like to try our new $0.99 Taquitos? Made fresh daily. NOOO, I would like to pump and go......like you FUCKING advertise! I am sorry, but this annoys me.

Another annoying thing is I just signed up for a new credit card with Bank of America. The initial process was easy, I even filled out one of those comment cards because I was so impressed. Since getting the card in the mail, a representative calls me almost everyday with new "offers" and rewards that I am eligible for. After I deny all of them, she goes on to tell me that I am taking huge risk without signing up for the fraud protection plan. She says, "I am very vulnerable to being a victim of credit card theft, even saying that without signing up for this fraud protection plan, I will have no support for when my credit card gets stolen." Ok, lady, back up...do you know how dumb you sound? You are telling me that you are going to charge me $6.99/month and that will protect me from being responsible for any charges that I don't make? Hm, see lady I don't have any "fraud protection plan now" but if I noticed a charge on my card that I didn't make, I wouldn't pay it---because thats in my contract and its free. She say's, "So your willing to give up everything to save $6.99/month? I sit and I think about this and can't help but be weirded out. I think about all the people I see who are homeless and/ or really poor and whenever I ask them why they are poor or homeless, I have never once heard "because my credit card was stolen and I didn't spend the $6.99/month so I lost everything. Have you ever heard that? NO...have you heard someone say, "I had just enough money saved for my kids to go to college and then my credit card was stolen and now I have nothing..yeah, nothing just this card board sign and 2 packs of Bronson Lights." "Yup, I was on my way to purchase a swagger wagon when my I noticed my credit card was missing, by the time I called the credit card company, they said I had nothing, and when I got home 12 minutes later, the house was completely empty, and a note hung from the door "You should have spent $6.99/month because your credit card was stolen, we repossessed all of your things and will bull-doze your home at 1600. Needless to say I did not sign up for the fraud plan and would consider calling verizon to change my number if I felt like dealing with them and their automated messages.

Oh and just one more thought..this doesn't really bother me, it is just a fantastic observation I have made. When we think of the "poker face" and how powerful it is, we often think of professional poker players and perhaps some great game show host right? Well I want to offer another population that has, in my opinion, the "best" poker face. Airline flight personel...you know those people that you run to, sweating, and almost in tears...you finally get it out that you missed your flight and are looking to get on the next one. They say a few words, maybe, but mostly just stare at their screen and press buttons. They never make a sound like "eh, um, let's see," They never make even a slight facial expression of either hope or despair. You stand less than 3 feet away from them and cannot, despite your best effort, figure out what they see on that screen or if you will get on another flight. They keep pressing buttons and you keep standing there, tempted to ask something like, "so watcha thinking about," but you don't. You stand there and the anticipation is almost hurting but because the sensation is so intense you can't open your mouth, you can't even move. All you can do at this point is bargain with the higher being. Please God, if I can just get on the next flight, I will not have 7 beers in the next airport bar and miss my flight again, I won't even have 3 beers, actually if you get me on the next flight I will not even have one beer, I will go right to my gate and sit there.... I promise God.....)

Finally, she prints you off a boarding pass and says, "Yes, you are on the next flight, leaving at 2pm. And then all of a sudden, without stopping yourself, you do it...you ask the dumb question...you say "I got a flight?" Ah, I am so disappointed whenever I ask such a question so I am now conscious of what is happening and I challenge you to refrain from this hideus question yourselves. I promise you, you will feel much better about yourself if you do not ask the dumb question that Jeff Foxworthy makes a living off of...Here's your sign... Still frantic, you look around..and dig yourself deeper by asking, what sign? YOUR FUCKING BOARDING PASS, you idiot! Anyway, I think their poker face is amazing but what I can't figure out is if they teach them that or if that is just something they have to bring to the table as an applicant. Can't you imagine what their interview is like, "So, how would your friends describe your best poker face?" "Give me a situation that you experienced where your best poker face was successful? Because we all have them, "Tell me one weakness in your poker face?"

I'm out,
The most productive unemployed person their is, AK

A shout out to my mom, literally....

Yeah, so I just moved to NC from Iowa and things are going well. Well things are going. I am adjusting and all that jazz but I still think its hard for my parents which is evidenced by the numerous phone calls and the messages. You know though, I do love my parents, but oh my, one thing I find baffling is the voice messages my mom leaves me. Now, I should give you all a little history on my mom. My mom is just that a mom, a professional mom and she is sure nice enough but my God I will never understand her messages.

Her messages are so annoying that it is almost worth answering the phone...yeah, its that bad. And what I don't get, most of all, is why she does this. I have learned not to even listen them and she asks why. Truth is, I can't listen to them most of the time. The messages are so long that I not only need a full battery to listen to the whole thing but I need to be in that perfect 4x4 area that receives a perfect signal. Also I don't listen to them because her messages have no objective. They are defined by at least 20 pointless sentences and inspired by no importance.

Now I do love my mom, like I said she is a nice enough lady, one couldn't hate her. But please, let me entertain you with an example of one message she left the other day and I did listen to.

First of all, she always starts the message with the sound of her yawning. I don't get that. It could be 6am, 2pm, or 10pm and I always get her yawning. ("AHHH ahh, uhh, ahh") Hi Ang this is mom, just was thinking about you. (Hard for me to believe, sounds more like she was just thinking about going to bed and wanted to get her word count in for the day and choose me as the victim)

It's about 2 pm our time, which I guess is about 3pm your time. Your probably out doing something but I'm just here thinking about you. (Ok,mom I appreciate the lesson on central time versus eastern time but come on, once is enough...you do not have to provide me with such obvious information EVERY TIME you call, and no, actually, I am doing nothing. I heard my phone, saw it was you, and deliberately choose not not answer knowing you will leave me this 6 minute message)

I visited grandma this morning. She seems to be doing well, and asked about you, I told her that you were doing good and liking NC so far. She said that is great. I went to Hy-Vee today, bought a few groceries. (Yup, mom, thats about what one would expect when someone says that they were to a GROCERY STORE) Laura just left to see a movie. I am not sure what movie but she went with a few friends. Dad is just working downstairs. I read a great book on the deck this morning. I think you would like it. Oh dang, now I can't remember what it was called. Let me look here and find it. I know just right where I left it. Ok, lets see here, not in the kitchen, well maybe I left it in my bedroom, hm, no not in my room, well dang, it was great and I know you would like it. (OK, now do you see what I mean? She doesn't leave messages, she leaves a detailed step by step of what she did/is doing. I mean I literally walked through the house with her looking for this great book that she does not remember the title of. I don't mind my mom calling, I know she cares about me, but come on, don't drag me through the day. Have some sort of objective or goal for your message)

Dang, that just makes me so mad about that book. Dad must have picked it up when he cleaned the kitchen after making chicken. (NO, dad did not touch your stupid book...see, now at this point I am getting annoyed with her message but am to invested to hang up now, knowing that if I don't listen through the whole thing and delete it, it will stay on my phone and when I want to listen to an important message, I will have to listen to this 6 min. pointless message ALL.....OVER.....AGAIN)

The chicken was very good. Not over done, just perfect. We had a salad and baked potato with it, which was all very good. You would have liked it. Well maybe you wouldn't have liked the salad because we had mushrooms on it, but you could have picked the mushrooms off if you wanted I suppose. (Great info. mom, why did you call again? OH, your getting the the point? Yes? Maybe? PLEASE GOD)

"AHH, YAAA, AHH" (yawning again) Well I better let you go now (YA THINK?, I'm exhausted now too). Just give us a call whenever you get a chance. We'll be looking forward to when you visit. Ok, love ya. Bye...(SWEET press 7 delete!) .....Oh one more thing babe (Knew it wasn't over...I JUST KNEW IT) I am just up here in the family room trying to find my show. (WHAT SHOW, I am thinking)...Ok, hmm...I thought it was on channel 8 but its not..maybe 13, let me see here. Hm..it must not be on tonight, thats a bummer. Well alright, bye Ang, love ya. DONE. IT's OVER. and it is at this point that I promise myself that from now on, I will answer the phone every time she calls to avoid this.....And I remain firm on my promise....UNTIL she calls again.

Ha, it is true though, I love my mom but also thought this was perfect "blog material"

ak

Confidence, a ten letter word learned in elementary school

For many years now I have wondered why there is such a range of attitudes and beliefs in people today. More specifically why is there such a wide range of people and how can we all exists? Why, and how, are their serial killers and peacemakers? This question is a question I have looked to answer for the past five years. It started with the question, how can four girls be born to the same parents, grow up in the same house, and become so different?

I did not know how important this question would become to me, or how important it would be in my quest to make the world better, but after reading a book title "Journey of Mankind" by Stephen Oppenheimer I learned how important this would be and it offered my first big break, it validated that the question was important. Through the Journey of Mankind you learn the danger of when like species grow apart and adopt new attitudes. The reason behind this danger is competition and goal division. Furthermore when such a division, or range, of people coexist, the ability to control a population and "govern" a population is much more difficult, and even impossible. This is true today. It is impossible to control the population today. But why did this happen? And can we get back to creating common goals for people to live by? This happened naturally millions of years ago. It happened because when human life first developed, resources were scarce and it was truly "survival of the fittest." Humans set up human traps, competed for food, water, and survival. I can only imagine our first ancestors saying "Geeze, if there was just more berries and food, we could all get along. Today we have all of that, yet we do not all get along. WHY?

Now that my question was validated, I could move forward. I have this question on the top of every page in a notebook and have several ideas being influenced by experiences, literature, and the evolution of my own mind. My theory always was based on the idea that people must have been raised differently than me but to what extent I would have never imagined.

I had an AH HA moment this past week. My nephew, Judah, was born and my mind just happened to wander through the entire course of Emily and Jared's pregnancy and then the pregnancy that my own mom had with me and each of her kids. Then the pregnancies of many other people and a huge pattern was developed and I believe I have another huge lead in answering my initial question. Why is there such a range of attitudes and believes in people today?

This world can be sad if you let it. There is enough justification for any single one human to feel an "impending doom" sensation and to give up. There is evil and bad things happen. There is violence, hate, crime, and regardless of who you are, you are guaranteed to feel the affects of this at some point in your life. You will fail at least once, you will be hurt, you will be sad, you will be made fun of, ignored, judged, laid out, and challenged and these events don't make you special. Being made fun, hurt, or affected by hate and crime don't make you unique, it just makes you human. Despite the fact that your parents always told you that they never wanted to see you hurt or sad, they brought you into this world knowing that you would be. Emily and Jared knew before they got pregnant that despite how cute he is at birth, that he will face challenges throughout his life. He will fail, he will be made fun of, ignored, and judged, but they still wanted him.

Watching Emily prepare for the baby and grow more and more excited with each appointment, and with the passing of each uncomplicated day was joyful. I could, by no means, relate to how awesome it must be to have a baby grow inside of you, but I could feed off of the joy that I saw it bring her, Jared, and the rest of the family. Emily not only accepted the uncomfortable reality of having a baby inside her, but she embraced it. What a gift that is to a child, for someone to embrace you, before you were even viable. What a gift it is for a child to know that their parents accepted the world as it is and choose to bring you into it anyway. What a gift it is to come home to a place that is so prepared for you. How empowering it is for a child to know the you were worth the cost, you were worth the pain, you were worth every one of the five onzies that you soiled in one day. Mostly, how else can someone show you how much they believe in you than to willingly bring you into this world where evil is present, where bad things happen, where you will face challenges, failures, heartache, and self-doubt and believe you can meet these challenges? Emily and Jared have already given that baby the greatest gift, a gift that without, he would be nothing, confidence.

Confidence, a ten letter word learned in elementary school, but without it, you have nothing. You will not live the way I live, you will not experience the success I do. You will not have meaningful relationships instead you will be what I fear. You will commit crimes, you will judge, you will bully, you will try to take me out, you will represent the evil in the world.

It is coming together now. Preparing for the life of a new being is the BEST way to offer the world "another one for the good guys." But how many people, how many babies are born without that? So many. So many. So many evidenced by crime, overcrowded prisons, serial killers, rapist, and hatred and victims of self abuse and domestic abuse. These people don't have confidence because if they did they wouldn't feel the sensation of "impending doom," they wouldn't rely on hurting others for personal gain. They wouldn't commit hate crimes.

I think America is taking the wrong approach and not being proactive enough in regards to screening each parent before they take that baby home. We think that it will just magically grow up and be successful? How are we going to just give out the monetary needs to these people who did not prepare for their child and expect that child to be something better? I used to think that if I could talk to high school and college kids I could persuade them to work hard and be productive, I used to think that if we gave people opportunities, they would take them and grow but this isn't true. We, America, offer food stamps, education, diapers, clothes, and toys which are all ok but until we give our children the confidence to succeed, they won't and the huge range of people will continue to exist and continue to worsen the strength of this world.

I could go on forever, but trying to organize my thoughts now seem to be difficult. I just think that this whole confidence thing is so important because it is inevitable that we will face challenges but what do we do with those challenges? What do we start with? What can we always go back to? What is undebatable? For me, I faced many challenges growing up, and when self doubt entered my head, I had a counter attack, I had confidence. I could say that I know, no matter what I do and what happens, that I have at least two people who believed in me before I was viable. I know that I am Angela Kinney and I am here today. I think if each people had just that, we would be in much, much better shape and perhaps then, we could work on getting them toys, and other extra things.

AK

Hard to decipher between what is "blog worthy" and what is "not blog worthy"

Been awhile, I realized, since I have last blogged. What kept me from blogging was the constant headache I received while trying to decipher between what is and what is not blog worthy.

I moved to North Carolina, Durham to be exact, I believe that is blog worthy. I moved here in hopes of finding a job, go to grad school, and just for a change of pace. BUT until all that develops I stay busy doing whatever it is I want.

For the last two months I have done whatever I want whenever I want and surprisingly have never been more unsatisfied with my life. See, my theory has always been that happy people are productive people. Happy people have jobs, take care of their families, and serve some sort of purpose throughout the day. My theory is right, because I do not serve a purpose on a regular business day instead I just try to stay busy knowing that things will break into place and I will return to my normal self soon. I prepared myself, financially, for this opportunity and tried to prepare myself mentally but it is just harder than it sounds.

I am, however, calm and confident that things will change and sooner than later I will be begging for a break...it always comes so today I just choose to enjoy what life offers me today and what I can offer life.

I love the city of Durham and have found lots of night-life activity. I cannot wait until basketball season, I hear it is a blast. North Carolina has owned the ACC for years and it probably won't stop this year.

Well that was it, just a quick blog update. Hoping to hold off on the next blog until I get a job!

From the Duke Perkins Library, I'm out.

ak

Virtual Online Graduation Party

Virtual Online Graduation Party!

Today I launch my very own virtual online graduation party. The idea came to me after being at my parents house one evening and noticing seven different invitations for graduation parties. There is no way that I can make it to all those for a variety of reasons and so that is why I thought this idea would be perfect.

Let's be completely honest here. Graduation parties are more like fundraisers than anything else. Like every fundraiser each party has a responsibility...none of which I really like. Another reason why this online party will be the bomb.

So here is the deal: I won't offer you food, drink, or a gathering place, I won't give you an awkward hug or buy a new outfit. I won't worry about the cleaning or the dishes. I won't be worried that nobody will come or worry that I will run out of food. Now, for you, you don't have to travel, buy me a lame card, give me $25, worry about what kind of food I'll have, or worry if you're the only one who will show up. This is a virtual online graduation party people. Grab your own snacks, put your comfy clothes on, put that $25 into your vacation fund and sign on!

You can watch the video or read the speech first...There is an attachment for the video. My suggestion for you is to let it "buffer" once before you really want to watch it.

MY ONLINE GRAD PARTY WRITING

(Big Sigh and smile) Oh well, I made it. Before I get to far into this, I have to thank very special people that have made this day possible.

1)Dietrich Mateschitz; The inventor of sugar free Red Bull... For giving me wings when I was convinced that I had no more in me.

2)Trek and the guys at Bike World for always keeping me tuned up and on the right path.

3)Smart Wool and PhD water for giving me just enough unwarranted reassurance to give me the confidence to succeed.

4)Steve Jobs and all the Mac products that allowed me to "look cool" during long hours in the library.

5) Subway for offering the best $5 value in town. To me a $5 footlong = 8 hours studying.

6) Last but not least, my favorite person in the world, Little Debbie, for offering the best study snacks. The pin wheels and honey buns in the morning, nutty bars evening and late night, and the seasonal cakes that serve as a consistent

motivation. I remember several times saying to myself, "I can't wait until the Christmas cakes come out, that means its

almost winter break"!

No, in all seriousness, it is the real life people, or my "virtual friends" that have made this possible. I don't feel comfortable saying that obtaining a college degree is "easy" for anyone and it offers unique challenges to each one of its takers, but for me it seemed even more difficult at times.

For 18 years, just showing up was good enough. It was not until after high school that I learned the "No child left behind" law was not longer applicable and just showing up wasn't going to cut it. This was my first challenge.

It is funny because when I started college I knew everything and now that I am done, I feel like I know nothing. That's convenient eh? Ah well, college wasn't always easy for me and there were several times throughout the last 5 years that I didn't think I would go back the next semester. I didn't always know what I wanted to do and I was spending a lot of money trying to figure it out. I saw a clip on TV with a financial guru and he said something that stuck out to me. "All you do throughout life is spend money while trying to figure out what your going to do." "The only difference is how much money you have to play with will determine how much you figure out....made sense at the time......3am hungover...now I write it out, and it doesn't seem quite right. Oh well.

This is actually a true story though, I wrote this on 7/9/2008 415pm Well today is the day I break the news. I am not going to college in the fall. I just need a break from it. I am going to tell my parents tonight. I think they will be ok with it actually, it will be a good break for them too. I know I'll go back eventually but its just not for me right now.

7/9/2008 1114pm

From the events that occurred today, one would easily suggest that I suffer from a mental illness...most likely in the bipolar spectrum. I am going to college in the fall, I will graduate in 2 years, and thats that.

I was in the family room, pumping myself up to tell my parents. As I start talking, my dad asks for the remote, frustrated. I leave and go to the bathroom to buy me some time. I was my hands and look in the mirror and said quietly "I just need a break, I don't want to go to school in the fall." Stood there. Then asked myself, "What do you think Ang." The world stopped. And I involuntarily said.

"I think your fucked in the head, your two years away from the fucking degree and you want to bail out? Well I'll tell you

something, this is no longer a goal, it's a quest, a quest for a degree. I"m going to get the degree, ya'll are gunna be there

and we're all going to have so much fucking fun we'll have to have plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. We'll

all be singing zippidy Doo Daa out of our assholes."

Chevy Chase the single most influential person in my life to date. He is just consistently awesome. Ok people, thats it...you can leave now...and we don't even have to take a picture or wait for someone to move their car because they parked behind you!

Thanks,

AK

The video is on another post! Sorry.