Hard to decipher between what is "blog worthy" and what is "not blog worthy"

Been awhile, I realized, since I have last blogged. What kept me from blogging was the constant headache I received while trying to decipher between what is and what is not blog worthy.

I moved to North Carolina, Durham to be exact, I believe that is blog worthy. I moved here in hopes of finding a job, go to grad school, and just for a change of pace. BUT until all that develops I stay busy doing whatever it is I want.

For the last two months I have done whatever I want whenever I want and surprisingly have never been more unsatisfied with my life. See, my theory has always been that happy people are productive people. Happy people have jobs, take care of their families, and serve some sort of purpose throughout the day. My theory is right, because I do not serve a purpose on a regular business day instead I just try to stay busy knowing that things will break into place and I will return to my normal self soon. I prepared myself, financially, for this opportunity and tried to prepare myself mentally but it is just harder than it sounds.

I am, however, calm and confident that things will change and sooner than later I will be begging for a break...it always comes so today I just choose to enjoy what life offers me today and what I can offer life.

I love the city of Durham and have found lots of night-life activity. I cannot wait until basketball season, I hear it is a blast. North Carolina has owned the ACC for years and it probably won't stop this year.

Well that was it, just a quick blog update. Hoping to hold off on the next blog until I get a job!

From the Duke Perkins Library, I'm out.

ak

Virtual Online Graduation Party

Virtual Online Graduation Party!

Today I launch my very own virtual online graduation party. The idea came to me after being at my parents house one evening and noticing seven different invitations for graduation parties. There is no way that I can make it to all those for a variety of reasons and so that is why I thought this idea would be perfect.

Let's be completely honest here. Graduation parties are more like fundraisers than anything else. Like every fundraiser each party has a responsibility...none of which I really like. Another reason why this online party will be the bomb.

So here is the deal: I won't offer you food, drink, or a gathering place, I won't give you an awkward hug or buy a new outfit. I won't worry about the cleaning or the dishes. I won't be worried that nobody will come or worry that I will run out of food. Now, for you, you don't have to travel, buy me a lame card, give me $25, worry about what kind of food I'll have, or worry if you're the only one who will show up. This is a virtual online graduation party people. Grab your own snacks, put your comfy clothes on, put that $25 into your vacation fund and sign on!

You can watch the video or read the speech first...There is an attachment for the video. My suggestion for you is to let it "buffer" once before you really want to watch it.

MY ONLINE GRAD PARTY WRITING

(Big Sigh and smile) Oh well, I made it. Before I get to far into this, I have to thank very special people that have made this day possible.

1)Dietrich Mateschitz; The inventor of sugar free Red Bull... For giving me wings when I was convinced that I had no more in me.

2)Trek and the guys at Bike World for always keeping me tuned up and on the right path.

3)Smart Wool and PhD water for giving me just enough unwarranted reassurance to give me the confidence to succeed.

4)Steve Jobs and all the Mac products that allowed me to "look cool" during long hours in the library.

5) Subway for offering the best $5 value in town. To me a $5 footlong = 8 hours studying.

6) Last but not least, my favorite person in the world, Little Debbie, for offering the best study snacks. The pin wheels and honey buns in the morning, nutty bars evening and late night, and the seasonal cakes that serve as a consistent

motivation. I remember several times saying to myself, "I can't wait until the Christmas cakes come out, that means its

almost winter break"!

No, in all seriousness, it is the real life people, or my "virtual friends" that have made this possible. I don't feel comfortable saying that obtaining a college degree is "easy" for anyone and it offers unique challenges to each one of its takers, but for me it seemed even more difficult at times.

For 18 years, just showing up was good enough. It was not until after high school that I learned the "No child left behind" law was not longer applicable and just showing up wasn't going to cut it. This was my first challenge.

It is funny because when I started college I knew everything and now that I am done, I feel like I know nothing. That's convenient eh? Ah well, college wasn't always easy for me and there were several times throughout the last 5 years that I didn't think I would go back the next semester. I didn't always know what I wanted to do and I was spending a lot of money trying to figure it out. I saw a clip on TV with a financial guru and he said something that stuck out to me. "All you do throughout life is spend money while trying to figure out what your going to do." "The only difference is how much money you have to play with will determine how much you figure out....made sense at the time......3am hungover...now I write it out, and it doesn't seem quite right. Oh well.

This is actually a true story though, I wrote this on 7/9/2008 415pm Well today is the day I break the news. I am not going to college in the fall. I just need a break from it. I am going to tell my parents tonight. I think they will be ok with it actually, it will be a good break for them too. I know I'll go back eventually but its just not for me right now.

7/9/2008 1114pm

From the events that occurred today, one would easily suggest that I suffer from a mental illness...most likely in the bipolar spectrum. I am going to college in the fall, I will graduate in 2 years, and thats that.

I was in the family room, pumping myself up to tell my parents. As I start talking, my dad asks for the remote, frustrated. I leave and go to the bathroom to buy me some time. I was my hands and look in the mirror and said quietly "I just need a break, I don't want to go to school in the fall." Stood there. Then asked myself, "What do you think Ang." The world stopped. And I involuntarily said.

"I think your fucked in the head, your two years away from the fucking degree and you want to bail out? Well I'll tell you

something, this is no longer a goal, it's a quest, a quest for a degree. I"m going to get the degree, ya'll are gunna be there

and we're all going to have so much fucking fun we'll have to have plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. We'll

all be singing zippidy Doo Daa out of our assholes."

Chevy Chase the single most influential person in my life to date. He is just consistently awesome. Ok people, thats it...you can leave now...and we don't even have to take a picture or wait for someone to move their car because they parked behind you!

Thanks,

AK

The video is on another post! Sorry.

North Carolina

I wanted to post this from North Carolina but could not find consistent internet access at the time. Instead, I scribbled a few one liners on several different pieces of Duke paraphernalia in belief that I would update when I could. I know, retrospectively, this update will not be nearly as accurate as it would have been if written immediately but if I remember my mindset I can get close.

I was definitely down. All of the typical fears were present but then it turned debilitating. I became obsessed with feeling hopeless. I felt convinced that I couldn't get a job in the Duke Health System and that alone was worrisome to me. I felt starred at and embarrassed. I felt like everyone knew that I wasn't a student and wondered why I was in the student center for a half dozen hours each day. My "perfect" apartment prospect was determined, by me, to be untouchable related to the price and practicality. I felt broke and worried that I had worked so hard to save money for nothing. I was searching for a change of mood and even contemplated buying a tall adult beverage to see if that would initiate a change of mood, but I didn't. I was begging for the "cocky," "confident", "positive," AK to come out of nowhere and slain the the Angela that would make it nowhere.

I write a lot, not on this blog, but in general. A lot of times I start with writing, "My name is Angela Kinney but that says nothing about me." I wrote that almost involuntarily this time and found it to be most relative due to my location and the distance between where my name would at least be recognized. I always find it helpful to write in the opposite mindset that you are currently feelings...actually this was a tip I read by James Weldon Johnson. Johnson was later determined to have multiple personality disorder but diagnosis that fall on Axis I are irrelevant to me, especially when evaluating a persons writing style.

I know that I will be a good nurse. I also know that when the opportunity arises Duke Health System will benefit from hiring me....I am notorious for making snacks and offering them to everyone...they will benefit.

I know that I have saved up enough money for several months, almost a year, of conservative living expenses so the feeling of being broke was irrational and can be easily disregarded. Feeling of broke = eradicated.

I know that I graduated Friday and that my transcripts have not even been evaluated. I have not taken NCLEX, and have not been approved for licensure in North Carolina. This being written out, I see and better understand that the fact I don't have a job yet is perfectly normal and shouldn't be too concerning. Feelings of "never getting a job" = justified and normal.

Ok, anyway I guess my point of this particular blog is just how awesome writing is. I went from the feelings described in the first paragraph to walking away with new energy and a new approach. Weird, I really thought I had a great story, post here, and I guess all it amounts to is me thinking that writing is cool...I am a loser!

ha, I'm out people...well maybe pleural isn't appropriate because I think my friend Caroline is the only person who reads these wacky post. Regardless, I'm still going to bed.

AK

Life is just a long continuum of change..AK update

Whether people are just being nice, if if they actually care is irrelevant to me because it offers a perfect blog post.

I am graduating in one week and to prepare for all that comes with that, I quit my full-time job. My "going out" party was provided by the staff in the Mercy ER and was a peanut butter theme...perfect! The spread consisted of scotch-a-roos, NUTTY BARS, peanut butter and bagels, puppy chow, peanut brittle, and a lot more! It was great and at the end of the shift most everyone indicated that they wanted to have some sort of update so here it is people...2 weeks out.

Technical Stuff

1) jobless

2) homeless (effective 5/31)

3) I have a very strategic plan in regards to spacing out the remaining nutty bars that I received at my "leaving" party at work...the plan is they will last at least until 5/1 because my grocery budget for april is expired.

Less Technical Stuff

1) I sleep 9+ hours a night now!

2) I eat three, somewhat balanced, meals at the appropriate time of day and feel amazing!

3) I have ridden over 120 miles on my bike

4) Visited the Amana Colonies! This has been on my "to do" list since December and it was great.

5) Went to Bandanas, a bar-b-que joint, with my parents and was able to enjoy lunch pricing on a SATURDAY (A big deal because I used to only work weekends)

6) Bought a pogo stick and make it a point to get in 50 continuous jumps everyday.

7) Went golfing...kind of.

8) Harassed my dad for some clubs and bought an old big bertha Callaway driver at an auction....380CC....if that means anything to anyone...460CC is the max. allowed legally.

9)Went to Jordan Creek mall for the first time since Christmas...nothing to miss there besides the apparent birth control problem in WDM...geeze, there were a lot of babies and toddlers in that place.

10) Deep cleaned my apartment..I mean deep cleaned. Washed the walls, floors, dusted, moved all the furniture to sweep underneath it, ect. This initiated the next big step I took....bought light bulbs and hangers for the first time. My apartment now has light, but I still utilize my headlamp whenever possible.

Well thats an AK update...

Future plans/travels

May 1-4: NC

objectives:

Find an apartment and sign a lease beginning 6/1

Find a job of any kind (outdoors preferably!) I applied to be a seasonal/part-time grounds crew at Duke University.

Come home and take boards

Learn I pass boards.

Pack my jeep.

Snag some snacks at Dahls and find I-80 E..........

20 hours later, find that same apartment that I signed the lease on and enter and park.

10 guilty pleasures

I assume vulnerability when I discuss my ten guilty pleasures but they serve a very real purpose in my life. The last month has been hectic, working full time, going to school full time, and having to serve 100 hours of preceptorship. Because I am notorious for being a procrastinator the last six weeks, preparing for graduation, have been a challenge and, I believe, permit the utilization of "guilty pleasures." I will list my top ten guilty pleasures in no particular order. If you have not read my first blog, please refer to the ground rules----don't judge me...

1) $5 worth of scratch tickets--I don't really care to ever be rich and I would be embarrassed if I won but they provide me with a sense of excitement and thrill.

2) Taco Johns- 6 pack and a pound....long 12 hour study days get my appetite as good as it ever is and I crave Taco Johns 6 pack and pound. This is almost ALWAYS two meals but I have been known to knock it out in one setting.

3) 2-Liter of Pepsi Max. I rarely buy soda because it is expensive and non-purposeful but in tiring times, knowing that I have a 2-liter of pepsi Max at home waiting for me always gets me pumped up and I find it encouraging.

4) Take 5 candy bar--No real explanation needed, they are just the bomb.

5) Sugar free red bull--I think this was mostly a work thing because I never crave it or want it when I am not at work but I do, fork over the $2.62 for a sugar free red bull every shift...which is bad for the budget but when we are talking about "guilty pleasures," budgets are ultimately ignored.

6) Dahls cafe breakfast, more specifically a giant waffle from Dahls cafe. I used to be a loyal Saturday customer at Dahls because I always had a coupon for $2 off any regular price item...courtesy of of the value books. I loved the nice elderly people and always learned something by sitting and eating breakfast with them...very refreshing.

7) Buying wii games....I love buying, or just getting, new wii games or any games really but sometimes, my conscious breaks down and I choose not to wait for a birthday or Christmas and go buy it STAT.

8) Tan..I know this will surprise some of you but yes, I do spend 12 minutes in a tanning bed twice a month between Nov-April. I believe in "winter blues" and I am certainly not immune. I am an outdoor junkie and I HATE being cold. Tanning helps me during the winter.

9) McDonalds 2 for $1 apple pies. Nothing fancy but I just do love them!

10) backpacks....I am getting better but I am a sucker for, what I think, are "sweet backpacks" and I have several! I do try to rotate them all but I am partial to a few of my favorites...

There you go...ak's guilty pleasures...what are yours?

favorite time of year

Any morning that I can go outside and not be in pain related to the weather is a good day and definitely permits spending extra time outside.

Few thoughts about the awesome weather...

If all winter you swore you'd take a trip to get out of iowa because of the weather...still take it despite the nice weather.

Grilling...

Unless you a seasoned grill master, start the season with hot dogs and polish sausage..don't get a fancy Guy Firrar recipe and set yourself up for a grilling disaster.

If you are "grilling out,"...entertain out. Have outside activities for your guest or your family to do

while the food is being cooked..this adds to the experience and some examples include Bags,

frisbee, playing catch, side walk chalk, ect, ect...

First grill session, go all out...buy the party dip even though it will be gone in 30 minutes and if you

know your guests like certain condiments, buy them.

Spring/Summer vacation...

1Determine your budget.

2Plan a date.

3Only include people that you want to vacation with...don't feel obligated to invite "extras" if you know they will ruin your trip.

4Save a X amount of money each week until that planned date and GO...get out of here...go on a vacation whether your budget allows for a camping trip to Jester Park, a road trip to KC, or a cruise through the Bahamas...set a date and go..and love it..don't be embarrassed because you think your vacation isn't good enough...Remember, mind over mater.

i'm out,

the grill master, AK.......hotdogs and polish tonight.