To be the boss or to be bossed?

boss ¹ (bôs, bs)

n.

1.

a. An employer or a supervisor.

b. One who makes decisions or exercises authority.

2. A professional politician who controls a party or a political machine.

Yes, I want to be the boss but I believe I have been misunderstood regarding this notion. It has been, up to this point in my life, been an assumption of mine that everybody wants to be the boss but after a small sample study conducted by me I am surprised with the findings.

I still believe that on some level, everyone wants to be the boss, over somethings but many people fret over the idea of being "the boss."

Here is my rationale for wanting to be the boss. For 18 years I was everything besides the boss. My lifestyle was governed by the discipline of my parents, the stress of having three siblings, the rules of going to school, all of my coaches throughout, and all of my teachers who facilitated my education.

I am 22, single, live independently, and finally assume the real role of Angela Kinney. I feel like, though I was my own self for my first 18 years, I am now finally able to be myself, make my own decisions, eat what I want, sleep when I want, watch what I want, dress how I want, live how I want, and study what I want....I am my own boss and people trust that.

My fear is heightened when it comes to the "someday" where I might want to engage in a relationship and get married. When that happens I will only have 50% control over what I do, how I do it, and when I do it. So to sum it up, I want to be the boss because I finally can be. I wasn't able to for 18 years and I won't be able to when I get married...this is my time and I go by my rules.

I try to relate to everyone I meet on some level and I feel like I am somewhat successful in this but I struggle to relate to people who speak out and admit to "never wanting to be in charge." "I never want to make big decisions" "I never want that much pressure." "That would be so stressful." "I just want people to tell me what to do." I do not get that concept.

This is your life. You are on a continuum of life...you already don't get to choose to be born or how you will die so why not fill in the middle with what you want. What is so scary? Why is failing scary? Does it really matter if you fail at something? What is the worst possible scenario? If death is the worst case scenario for you then again, I struggle to relate. If losing your job, your house, your savings account is the worst case scenario then I have to worry about your self-esttem and confidence level...you think those things are irreplaceable? You can't pick yourself up from that? Thats the end?

I write this only because it has been a thought aching in my mind for sometime now and I want to relate to people who admit not wanting to one that exercises authority, one that trust others more then themselves. Can you not see, by now, that you are the only constant, the only person that move you where you want to go and at the end of the day, you are the only one who cares about where you go or what you do. You are the only one who can control you. Own that people, don't let others control you just because you don't want to make a mistake.

Live people, live.

ak