.....it comes every month

Hi and holy absence. I have neglected the blog and take full responsibility for that. However, refer to my first blog when I stated the ground rules, I will blog when I want to blog.

It comes every month---because all of my blog followers be female, I assume that you are all thinking that this blog will be about periods but it is not.

Chores used to be my sole opportunity for income. Doing household chores were the only way to feed my appetite for a bag of Cheetos or 10 blow pops. Doing chores ensured me $5 a week to do with what I please. I didn't like doing them but I did.

Today chores are an everyday part of my life and instead of $5 a week, I have a clean apartment and a clean car. I expired all my energy complaining about chores before I ever left home. Now I just know that they are part of the deal and I find no reason to complain about them. In fact, it is even kind of frustrating for me to hear other people complain about doing the dishes or vacuuming. I guess I would have just thought that, like me, everyone would have complained enough about doing mindless task such as dishes in their youth and that by the time they are adults, they just know that every time you decide to eat, you also decide to do dishes.

Their is one chore that I do absolutely hate and that is laundry and for me it comes once a month. I feel very comfortable about complaining about laundry and also feel very justified in my complaint. I hate laundry for multiple reasons.

I hate laundry because it is the only chore that you can't rush, you can't get all pumped up to do laundry "real fast" and then go somewhere. The washer will go through its full cycle and regardless of your energy level, the washer will only wash at its pace. And the dryer will only dry at its pace.

I hate laundry because it takes the same amount of time to wash one thing as it does for 30 things. Yes, you can cut your drying time down by only drying one shirt but at minimum, you will still invest 30 minutes of your day washing one shirt.

I hate laundry because from the time you press start on the washer and the time the washer horns, you are absolutely helpless to what is being done to your clothes. You can only hope that you checked every pocket for an ink pen, sorted appropriately, and have the washer on the right setting.

I hate laundry because you can't ever "walk away from it." Once you are invested, once you make that decision to do laundry, you are hooked and for at least the next two hours of your life, you are indebted to your laundry. Ok, you can walk away in an emergency but if you choose to do so, know that when you come back to it, you will be back to square one. If you leave the clothes in the washer to long, they start to smell and if you leave them in the dryer to long, they begin to wrinkle.

I hate doing laundry because it is so unsatisfying. Nobody will ever comment on how clean your clothes are--it's just an expectation. It is the longest chore to complete yet the least satisfying. It takes 10 minutes to do all the dishes, spray some Mr. Clean on the counter and wipe it off and your guest will walk into your home and comment on how clean your place is, but you just spent an entire evening doing laundry and nobody notices. Furthermore, they will only notice if you didn't do laundry and you rock your favorite t-shirt with a blob of bar-b-que sauce on it--now your a dirty person but if you invite people over and your place is a mess, people excuse it without further ado.

I hate doing laundry because all month I trip over hangers, I move 3, 4 hangers out of the way to get to the shirt of my choice and then come laundry day, I need more hangers! I promise, you will NEVER have enough hangers on laundry day. It's just a fact, doesn't matter how many you buy, you will never have enough on laundry day. You know the stores sell the most hangers on Sunday? It is true, all week long there is every shape, color, and size of hanger, but you go to Wal-Mart on Sunday evening and all of a sudden a 10 pack of white hangers is harder to find than the latest video game during Christmas season. Trust me, I wouldn't lie to you. If you are skeptical, check it out yourself...

I hate doing laundry because once you start a load of laundry, you naturally get yourself in the cleaning mood. And it will never fail that you will start cleaning. I think it is almost a tick or involuntary action that all humans assume and I mean since you will spend the next several hours at home doing laundry, you might as well get some cleaning done, right? Absolutely right, and so you do. And what do you have after a few hours of cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen? You have at least two or three dirty washcloths so now you have more decisions to make. You know these washcloths need cleaned, they look far worse than any one piece of clothing you put into the washer but everybody knows that three washcloths do not make up a whole load so what do you do? Maybe just bite the energy cost and wash them, maybe just toss them in the garbage because, even yourself, is disgusted with how dirty they are, or maybe you toss them in the hamper and put them off for next month.

I hate doing laundry because I hate buying laundry soap. Why is it that laundry soap is so much more expensive then dish soap or shampoo? I think its a conspiracy. I think it is because those who make laundry soap know that regardless of how much it cost, people are going to buy it. You might try to cut cost and switch from Tide with Febreeze to the Great Value brand but even still, it is expensive. We all do it, we all buy laundry soap and we all hate buying it but never does that stop us from buying it because we aren't going to stop doing laundry, even if we hate it.

I hate doing laundry because it is one chore that I just cannot delegate. I don't want anybody else touching my laundry. Other chores that I hate I could easily pay someone else to do but not laundry. I am forever stuck with the one chore that I hate because under no circumstance will I pay for someone to go through each article of my clothing and judge me for it--what size I wear, what brands I like, the hard stale wash cloths at the bottom of the hamper, the dirty socks, the shirts with holes in them but I love anyway, no way would I make myself vulnerable to that so instead, I will do laundry every month, and I will complain about it.

You better know that on this Sunday evening, my laundry is done and all put away---besides four shirts laying on my bed without a hanger to hang them on.....damn

Enjoy your lives,

ak