Just Saying...

Yeah, so I do consider myself pretty laid back and relatively "chill." Not stoner chill where you have to, more than once, check the person's pulse to see if their breathing but none the less I consider myself pretty level. I don't have road rage, I don't freak out when a cashier takes their sweet time ringing up each item and if a restaurant messes up my order, I don't throw a huge fit...I will ask for a new plate but I won't demand that it will be free and tell them that I will never be going back. All this being said, I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with a few things.

Who loves pay at the pump? I love pay at the pump, I remember the day it was first invented and since then I utilize it almost exclusively. But pay at the pump is changing, and I don't like it. It used to be just that, you pay at the pump and your on your way. Today, it's more like answer 10 questions, then pay at the pump, then answer more questions and then go. Maybe I am exaggerating and it's only a few questions but the screen takes so long to recognize your answer that it is so annoying to me. For example now they all ask, "Do you want a car wash?" UM NO.."Do you want to use debit or credit?" I hate this question most because I'll always push debit and it will say something like "option not available, accepting only credit." Hey listen you stupid machine, I didn't create the "options," you offered them and I choose one..sorry my bad..lets start over. "Do you want a car wash?" Credit or Debit? Would you like a receipt? Perhaps you are hungry and would like to try our new $0.99 Taquitos? Made fresh daily. NOOO, I would like to pump and go......like you FUCKING advertise! I am sorry, but this annoys me.

Another annoying thing is I just signed up for a new credit card with Bank of America. The initial process was easy, I even filled out one of those comment cards because I was so impressed. Since getting the card in the mail, a representative calls me almost everyday with new "offers" and rewards that I am eligible for. After I deny all of them, she goes on to tell me that I am taking huge risk without signing up for the fraud protection plan. She says, "I am very vulnerable to being a victim of credit card theft, even saying that without signing up for this fraud protection plan, I will have no support for when my credit card gets stolen." Ok, lady, back up...do you know how dumb you sound? You are telling me that you are going to charge me $6.99/month and that will protect me from being responsible for any charges that I don't make? Hm, see lady I don't have any "fraud protection plan now" but if I noticed a charge on my card that I didn't make, I wouldn't pay it---because thats in my contract and its free. She say's, "So your willing to give up everything to save $6.99/month? I sit and I think about this and can't help but be weirded out. I think about all the people I see who are homeless and/ or really poor and whenever I ask them why they are poor or homeless, I have never once heard "because my credit card was stolen and I didn't spend the $6.99/month so I lost everything. Have you ever heard that? NO...have you heard someone say, "I had just enough money saved for my kids to go to college and then my credit card was stolen and now I have nothing..yeah, nothing just this card board sign and 2 packs of Bronson Lights." "Yup, I was on my way to purchase a swagger wagon when my I noticed my credit card was missing, by the time I called the credit card company, they said I had nothing, and when I got home 12 minutes later, the house was completely empty, and a note hung from the door "You should have spent $6.99/month because your credit card was stolen, we repossessed all of your things and will bull-doze your home at 1600. Needless to say I did not sign up for the fraud plan and would consider calling verizon to change my number if I felt like dealing with them and their automated messages.

Oh and just one more thought..this doesn't really bother me, it is just a fantastic observation I have made. When we think of the "poker face" and how powerful it is, we often think of professional poker players and perhaps some great game show host right? Well I want to offer another population that has, in my opinion, the "best" poker face. Airline flight personel...you know those people that you run to, sweating, and almost in tears...you finally get it out that you missed your flight and are looking to get on the next one. They say a few words, maybe, but mostly just stare at their screen and press buttons. They never make a sound like "eh, um, let's see," They never make even a slight facial expression of either hope or despair. You stand less than 3 feet away from them and cannot, despite your best effort, figure out what they see on that screen or if you will get on another flight. They keep pressing buttons and you keep standing there, tempted to ask something like, "so watcha thinking about," but you don't. You stand there and the anticipation is almost hurting but because the sensation is so intense you can't open your mouth, you can't even move. All you can do at this point is bargain with the higher being. Please God, if I can just get on the next flight, I will not have 7 beers in the next airport bar and miss my flight again, I won't even have 3 beers, actually if you get me on the next flight I will not even have one beer, I will go right to my gate and sit there.... I promise God.....)

Finally, she prints you off a boarding pass and says, "Yes, you are on the next flight, leaving at 2pm. And then all of a sudden, without stopping yourself, you do it...you ask the dumb question...you say "I got a flight?" Ah, I am so disappointed whenever I ask such a question so I am now conscious of what is happening and I challenge you to refrain from this hideus question yourselves. I promise you, you will feel much better about yourself if you do not ask the dumb question that Jeff Foxworthy makes a living off of...Here's your sign... Still frantic, you look around..and dig yourself deeper by asking, what sign? YOUR FUCKING BOARDING PASS, you idiot! Anyway, I think their poker face is amazing but what I can't figure out is if they teach them that or if that is just something they have to bring to the table as an applicant. Can't you imagine what their interview is like, "So, how would your friends describe your best poker face?" "Give me a situation that you experienced where your best poker face was successful? Because we all have them, "Tell me one weakness in your poker face?"

I'm out,
The most productive unemployed person their is, AK